There are times when living the life you want may feel so far away that you can’t imagine how you’ll ever get there.

Today I want to talk about how to get through times like those.  And offer a few strategies and books that literally saved my life when I was going the toughest of times — feeling grief from loss or impending loss.

Many of you know that MOTUS, my sweet, 80-year-0ld mother-in-law is in the final stages of her once inspired and vibrant life as a professor at Vassar and world traveler.  She is now in a nursing home with round-the-clock care.

She is on our minds 24/7.  We are on the phone to her almost daily and jumping with dread and alarm when our caller ID shows her nursing home is calling. I know some of you know the scary feeling.

After sharing about my mother-in-law, I have received so many touching emails. It made me realize that caring for loved ones who may be ill or elderly is happening for many of you, too.

You may be responsible for elderly parents; have loved ones who are terminally ill; or loved ones affected by dementia, Alzheimer’s or serious illness.

I hear you loud and clear about needing strategies to get through the more challenging times.

If you are not currently affected by any of this, I am so glad.  It is hard to get through life unscathed by struggle so I hope what I am about to share can help you, too, if you ever face something similar in the future.

I also welcome you to share your wisdom with our community  in the comments section if you have gone through any of these situations and have thoughts or strategies that worked for you. There are some amazing women in our community who have and are forging a path for the rest of us.

The single most important strategy you need to cope is reliable, ongoing support.

Without it you are adrift.

Who is your support team?  Whether it is professional medical, social service or respite care support, family, friends or strangers, you must ask for help and line up a team to help you.

And, you need to identify them before the need becomes a crisis.

Stay close emotionally and physically, if possible, and provide hope.

In the book, Using The Power of Hope to Cope with Dying, the author, an internationally acclaimed expert in the fields of death, dying, grief, nursing, and hospice care, developed the four stages of hope.  In dying (and we are all dying, by the way), there can be great hope.

The very act of asking a loved one “what are you hoping for today” breaths life, light and love into every step of the journey.

Create guiding principles for care. Their care and yours.

I mentioned recently that my husband Rob and I promised each other and MOTUS that regardless of the situation, we would do our best to make sure she stays safe, comfortable, free of physical pain, and that her dignity is maintained.

From the time her health started to fail, these guiding principles have given us a way to focus our attention and resources for the best possible outcome. So far, so good.

Know that this period is temporary.  Nothing lasts forever.  And, neither will this experience.

There are often so many little joys, stolen looks, funny, touching moments — and memories that are created. Writing them down and sharing them with others is a way to lighten your own sadness.

Learn what to expect.

For most women, reading What To Expect When You’re Expecting is required reading for having a baby.  Similarly, my “bible” for understanding the needs of someone dying and practical strategies of what to expect is Final Gifts, written by two Hospice nurses.

I learned more about how to read behavior of someone in end-of-life stages and how to give comfort to someone than in any other single book ever.

If you have worked with me as your coach, you know I’ve likely given you or urged you to buy Final Gifts.  It’s a life-saver and important information to help your loved one if he or she is in the end stages of life.

And, finally, please take extra good care of yourself — and have a plan in place to do that. Your loved one is counting on you and grateful of your gift of love and hope. You’ve got to stay healthy.

Thank you for being a part of this community where “grief shared is halved; joy shared is doubled.”

Whatever you’re going through, we are stronger together.

My theme for 2012 is daily self-care.

My promise to myself is that each day for 366 days, regardless of what is going on, I will take 30 minutes or more to do something to promote my well-being.

And, even though self-care is a topic I’ve worked on personally and advised hundreds of coaching clients on since 1995, this is the first time self-care has been my annual theme.

And, if these past 21 days are any indication, it’s proving to be a subject with many dimensions and new questions to explore.

Every year for more than 20 years, I have used a theme – a powerful word or sentence — as a guide toward being happier, healthier, more at peace and closer to the success I dream of.

In the past, I’ve had themes such as The Year of Simplicity (that year I sold my house in the suburbs, furnishings and car in Ohio and moved to a 500-square- foot jewel-box of an apartment on the harbor in Boston and walked or took the subway).

I checked every major decision against the question: ‘does this action lead to living with more simplicity?’, and a whole new world opened up for me – including meeting the delicious man I’m married to today!

Having a theme can make it much easier to make daily choices, which then add up over 365 days — 366 in a Leap Year! — to get you to your bigger goals or dreams.

So say your theme is Year of Financial Fitness. It’s pretty much a no-brainer to make a decision when you run through the “financial fitness filter” a $1,500 Marc Jacobs bag on your credit card, if you know you can’t easily pay it off.  Follow your theme, and you will stay on track with your Year of Financial Fitness.

(And, if your theme is Year To Express My Perfect Style, then that Jacobs bag may be just the ticket! )

But this year, 21 days in, I have scribbled every day in my well-worn Woman on Fire journal what I’ve done for self-care,  and a big question is forming for me.

Just what exactly is self-care? I started off the year thinking I knew.

Is it taking a walk (9 times in 21 days)?  Going on vacation (4 days in Key West)? Getting a massage (twice)?  Manicure (once)? Eating totally healthy and gluten-free (3 in 21)? Getting enough rest (I failed to take note)?

The activities above made me feel pretty good and some even terrific in the moment, but none made me feel as wonderful and fulfilled as I wished for so far in my Year of Self-Care.

Even though I know my annual theme sometimes doesn’t give me results until the year is well under way or even finished, I guess I expected instant gratification in feeling bliss from daily self-care.

And, then something happened the other night …

It was about 8PM and I was tired after a very full day and I was home alone.

Rob was in Washington, DC, visiting our ailing, beloved MOTUS, his mother.

Before the clock struck midnight, I knew I had to find 30 minutes of self-care to keep my promise to myself for my Year of Daily Self-Care.

Should I go over to the gym for 30 minutes on the treadmill?  Read?  Watch my Jane Goodall documentary? Take a long bath?  As much as I would enjoy those things I viewed as self-care, nothing appealed to me.

Until…

I picked up the phone.

And called my mother.  I am aware how very lucky at age 56 that I am to have my mother.  At 77, she can be so bright and sunny and positive and funny, still running the entrepreneurial business she and my father started nearly 30 years ago.

It is impossible to have a phone call with her without laughing – about something. That’s just how she is.  Big-hearted, great sense of humor, self-deprecating and often hilarious when she doesn’t even know it!  (Can you tell from the picture above…for which she is going to spank me for posting!)

We laughed and chitchatted about all kinds of things, none that I even really remember.  Except I was fully aware how delightful it was to be able to have this easy, casual conversation with the woman I love from the bottom of my heart.

After 30 minutes or so, I got off the phone feeling uplifted, encouraged, grateful and deeply satisfied.  I felt energized, my heart and soul comforted.  Hmmmm, no exercising, eating right, eight hours of sleep, taking my vitamins required.

Just 30 minutes basking in an exchange of love and laughs.

And, that is when the realization hit me over the head: there is no better self-care than love.

What about you?

Have you selected a theme for the year?

Please know that you are invited to take this journey this year with me and with us.

For those of you in our Women on Fire Membership program, How To Use A  Theme — For Your Best Year Ever will be the topic of our next member’s Live Chat on Tuesday night.

A number of Women on Fire, and those in Jamie Eslinger’s You Can Do Anything In A Year coaching group, have embarked upon a year-long journey and exploration around a theme.

A few are keeping daily journals online.

You can follow these Women on Fire members every day as they transform their own lives and inspire ours:

• Josie Donatelli — Changing It Now – Her daily journey to eat healthy and lose weight
• Robyn Vogel — RawJourney365 – Exploring the benefits of a raw-food diet
• Kim Dettmer – In Search of the Me in Mommy – Valuing Self: my body, time and gifts
• Jamie Eslinger – The Promise 365 – Year to Love More, Fear Less
• Beth Kloesener – The Year To Be My Authentic Self
• Susan Perry – Livebig365 – Stepping outside her comfort zone each day

Enjoy your week ahead and keep me posted on how you’re doing!

Happy Martin Luther King Day!  One of the greatest experiences in my life as a Governor’s press secretary was meeting Coretta Scott King.

For some odd reason, I was sitting on the floor when she walked into the room, earlier than we had expected her to arrive. Her towering figure over me, I awkwardly scrambled to stand up and shake her hand.

She was a true Woman on Fire and the impact of her powerful presence remains with me to this day.

I so regret that I can’t remember even one word of our brief conversation.

What I clearly remember though was the strength and power she exuded by her kindness, clarity, elegance and confidence.  Not to mention her dedication to serving others and changing the world, as her husband had.

I think of her often when I see those traits in you, the women in this amazing community we call Women on Fire.

So, today, I want to share with you a few of the many, many Women on Fire who are embracing their own powerful presences and making a difference in this world, in their communties, and in their families.

Just this week alone, we cheered on these exciting launches, honors and happenings:

Here I am with Jenifer Madson, on the right, celebrating her success (Rob Berkley Photo)

Jenifer Madson of Erie, Colorado is off and running after the publication of her new book Living The Promises.

News this week is that Choices Book & Gift Store, New York City’s most comprehensive store for self-help books, will carry her book, which provides encouragement, inspiration and support for people in addiction recovery.

Jen will be appearing at Choices at 1PM on Saturday, January 21 and you are invited to stop in and meet her! Check out her site for other locations on her book tour.

It’s more than luck that landed Master Certified Life Coach Susan Hyatt of Evansville, Indiana, in Evansville Living Magazine as the 2012 Best Voice of Inspiration! Effervescent Susan is also the author of the exciting, new book Create Your Own Luck.

Kira Karmazin of Atlanta has launched a phenomenal new online business offering quality yoga clothes and items called KiraGrace.  I just ordered the yoga jacket and can’t wait to receive and wear it in honor of this fabulous, hard-working, thoughtful mom and Woman on Fire!

Because children who learn to meditate and do yoga are less stressed than kids who don’t, Kira also launched the Grace Yoga Project to help local children learn the valuable benefits of yoga, mindfulness and compassion.

Be sure to read Kira’s blogposts of how she was inspired her to go for her dream. This not the last time we’ll be hearing about Kira!

Creator of Thrive Theory Jewelry to help connect women and girls, Jenn Bajec (in blue) shares a laugh at Women on Fire Day in Columbus! (Nancy Lambert Photo)

Women on Fire Book Co-Author Pat Wynn Brown of Columbus, Ohio nominated Jenn Bajec, creator of Thrive Theory Jewelry – and Jenn was selected as one of SUNNY 95 Radio Station’s 2012 Outstanding Women You Should Know. Congratulations, Jenn!  (And gratitude to Woman on Fire Andrea Dowding who called to share this exciting news.)

My good fortune — Meeting Beth Kloesener, on the right, at a Women on Fire Tea hosted by M.E. Jones in Alpena, Michigan (Jamie Eslinger Photo)

When I first met Beth Kloesener of Saginaw, Michigan last year, I was struck by her determination and commitment to improving the lives of women and girls.

Beth is the president and founder of Girls2Women Coaching.

Last week Beth used her talents to exchange being the keynote speaker at the Women in Leadership Mid-Michigan lunch for a donation to her program Girls on the Run of Saginaw County.  She started the not-for-profit prevention program to help preteen girls develop self-respect and healthy lifestyles through running. Go, Beth!

Holding one of her many books, Sophfronia and I pose with my long-time friend and motivational speaker Stedman Graham. (Heather Stone Photo)

The talented author and writing coach Sophfronia Scott of Newtown, Connecticut completed her first 10-day residency at Vermont College of Fine Arts toward her MFA in writing.  (Sophfronia will be helping me this year to launch our second Women on Fire book!)

Michele Woodward of Arlington, Virginia, received news that O, The Oprah Magazine has bought two pieces of writing from her for the March issue of the South Africa edition of O Magazine.  Nice going, Michele!

When I think about the courage and persistence of all the women highlighted above, I remember Dr. King’s inspiring words: “faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

Please feel free to keep me posted on the progress of your own dreams and goals and the difference you are making in your world.

I love shining a light on you!

Have an absolutely dazzling week ahead ~

Happy 2012 to you and a huge welcome to all our new readers!

I’ve stretched out the holidays longer than I think the calendar intended.

I know it’s time to get back to work and start the New Year.  But…

Instead, would you like to squeeze out a few more delightful moments of the season and enjoy a little vacation together?!

I’d love to take you with Rob and me on our trip last week to Key West, Florida.

Wanna go?  You don’t need to do a thing!  Just settle in, close your eyes and take a big, deep breathe.

Now imagine … the sun is shining and a buttery breeze is warming your face as you arrive in the southernmost city in the U.S. – Key West.

First stop is our 5th floor hotel room at The Reach Resort and a long pause  to soak in the view. Can you even believe this is real life?!

In Key West, the scene is both gloriously gorgeous – and comically kitschy.  Can you hear the chickens clucking and roosters crowing?  Watch out! They roam free and dart about everywhere you walk.

Now, for a little breakfast.  Blue Heaven is the most popular morning restaurant but today we are going to La Creperie.  You know my rule that I never eat anything bigger than my head – but I make an exception – and I recommend you do, too – when it comes to La Creperie’s Nutella and banana crepe. YUM!

Did you read novels by the writer-of-all-writers Ernest Hemingway in high school or college?  He was quite a larger-than-life character in Key West and we are headed over to his house now.

He had several homes including this famous one in Key West.

For a man who went through four wives, Hemingway had remarkable staying power when it came to his profession.  A Nobel Prize winner for literature, he wrote every day from 6 a.m. to noon and then went fishing for the rest of the day.  Every single day!

The house is beautiful inside as we walk through each of its elegant rooms.

Unlike any other monument to a famous, dead person, aren’t you surprised how different this tribute to him feels?  It’s because it’s very alive! There are 43 cats prowling about – all descendants of Hemingway’s beloved cats – living here! (Check out one of Hemingway’s famous six-toed kitties hiding under the vanity off of his bedroom.)

Hemingway was a tall, large man and back in his day (he died in 1961) king-sized beds weren’t even introduced until 1958.  So he ingeniously lashed together two twin-sized beds to make this one below.  The headboard is a Spanish gate.  His bedroom remains as he left it. (The silky fellow curled up on his bed below is probably his great-great-great-great grandkitty.)

Now, for a really magical experience, we are entering the Key West Butterfly and Nature Conservatory.  What an amazing surprise to have hundreds of these beautiful creatures flutter toward you and even land on your shoulders or arms!

Rob took some of the most magnificent pictures of his photography career here. Doesn’t it feel like you’re in a scene from a Harry Potter movie with all butterflies coming at you?

I’m starting to get a little tired.  How about you?

I’m thinking it’s now time to prop up your weary feet in a hammock and rest a while.  Let the soft ocean breeze gently rock you while you gaze out into the ever-changing colors of the blue-green ocean.

Happy and relaxed from your mini-vacation to Key West?  I sure hope so.

So, as you dive into your work, your life and your dreams this year, please know you can always return here for a quick trip to relax.  Five minutes floating away in paradise may change the course of a busy, stressful day!

I loved going on vacation with you — and I look forward to many more fun and joyous occasions  in 2012!

May your year be filled with good health, relaxing days and happy surprises at each turn.

Rob and I are listening to James Taylor’s holiday CD while we scramble to wrap Christmas presents and clean out closets, cupboards and bookshelves.

I always love to start the New Year as uncluttered as possible!

My best go-to book on this subject is Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston, who assures us “you can sort out your life by sorting out your junk.”

And, this past year, I have been greatly inspired by a woman who certainly isn’t dealing with clutter when it comes to extra clothes, shoes and frivolous items.

Last January my colleague Jamie Eslinger and I playfully — and powerfully — launched into 2011!

For the past 352 days, Woman on Fire Jamie Eslinger hasn’t bought any of those things!

As many of you know, Jamie and I work together at Women on Fire.  We were at Lake Austin Spa Resort in Texas working (really!) more than a year ago when Jamie was struck by the power of our Women on Fire Aspiration: “I invest in myself and in my potential.”

She noticed that the price of massages and facials at Lake Austin Spa were the prices she’d been paying for a dress or shoes.  And, it hit her.

What if she gave up buying clothes, shoes and frivolous purchases for one entire year and invested her resources instead in her mind, body, heart and soul?

Here is Jamie on video on Day 3 of her 365-day promise to herself to take that leap.

As she roars toward the finish line in 13 days, our Jamie has an amazing story to tell about all the new discoveries and incredible surprises she’s had while not buying clothes!

In a snowstorm in Alpena, Michigan, Jamie attended a Women on Fire Tea. Because she wasn’t buying, she made her rainboots work in the snow and Woman on Fire Mary Ellen Jones gave her a coat. Somehow, whatever she needed always appeared!

I’ll let her tell all about her year herself at The Promise 365 where you can read her daily journal.

What I will share is that after one year of not shopping, she is now healthier, happier, thinner, fitter, more peaceful, grateful and confident than when she started on January 1, 2011.

Jamie is a wonderful reminder of the great power that with inspiration, strategies and support – and she made sure she had all three when she embarked upon The Promise 365 — you can do anything in one year!

Sisterhood of the Traveling Dress — Jamie was stuck once without proper clothes to wear to a wedding and had to borrow a dress from her friend Sara.  Turned out it was a dress Jamie had lent Sara years before!

Already Jamie has inspired a legion of others including professional photographer Josie Donatelli, who is rocking the world with her inspiring new blog Changing It Now about her own day-by-day journey to return to being fit and healthy.

If you would welcome the inspiration, strategies and support to take on your own inspiring challenge in 2012, Jamie is leading a virtual coaching group for 10 Women on Fire starting January 16.

The cost is $397 a month but if you are a Women on Fire member, your cost is only $97 a month! (If you have not yet signed up for membership, you are most welcome to here and you will be eligible to receive the amazing discount!)

I’m so excited about the possibilities of change over this next year that I’m joining Jamie’s group, too.

My goal is to increase my self-care and I’m determined in my crazy, busy schedule to do that in 2012.  I’ll keep a daily diary that I will share with you.

Please share what exciting thing you’d love to promise yourself this year in the comments below and then join Jamie and me to make it happen!

What do you do when you are facing a crisis or major disruption in your life?   Do you retreat?  Plow forward?  Freeze in your tracks?

Before I found my stride, I reacted this past month with a bit of each.

As you know, Rob and I have been sorting out how to best care for and support his ailing mother (affectionately called MOTUS because she lives near the President in Washington, DC and we desperately needed a little humor!)

In one month, MOTUS transitioned from independent living in an assisted living apartment to 24/7 nursing home care and two hospital stays.  We want to be with her as much as possible and she needs us to.

Add to the mix, we are entrepreneurs with flexibility and freedom yet great responsibility and dedication to the people we serve, and we live hundreds of miles away from her.

In the end, one of the strategies above – retreat, plow ahead or freeze — is working best of all and I’d love to share with you which one and why.

But first …

I am writing to you from Naples, Florida.  More than a decade ago, Rob and I created a detailed vision for the lifestyle we wanted most.

In turning our vision into reality, we chose to live in our geographic homes — on Martha’s Vineyard for most of the year and Naples, Florida for the winter months.  So now is the time of the year when we make our “Great Migration” south.

Having grown up in snowy Ohio, I am still in awe that holiday decorations and palm trees co-exist!

Even though we have it down pretty well, our annual migration to Florida involves moving not only our car, clothes, and computers but our much-loved, 17-pound cat Wilber!

Wilber, tucked under the seat, has flown so often that he receives frequent flyer points as a card-carrying member of JetPaws!

So, as the situation and needs of MOTUS and the demands of our work and life and move to Florida collided, we set these goals and a strategy for best getting through this period in all our lives.

First, our goals for MOTUS:

1)   To feel and know she is loved

2)   Safe

3)   Comfortable

4)   Dignified

Then, for ourselves:

1)  Continuous forward motion

2) Increased self-care in this time of stress and crisis

That’s right, moving forward with our regular plans, even though they had to be changed frequently, has turned out to be our best strategy to help MOTUS and for us to feel a semblance of normalcy in the midst a difficult and often sad time.

Steady forward progress proved the wisest strategy for us even though flights, meetings and appointments have had to be cancelled and rescheduled.  Rob and I also took alternating turns in Washington caring for her and cleaning out her apartment so we saw less of each other.

Still, we are farther ahead and more at peace by proceeding as best as possible with our regular plans than if we would have retreated, frozen in our tracks or given up everything to tend to her this past month.

And, believe me, there have been moments when I felt frozen or thought I should stop everything and move to DC.

As of this moment, MOTUS is holding steady and is well cared for and loved in her nursing home community.

Rob and I are home together in Naples. Wilber is sunning himself on our screened-in porch, endearingly called “the catatarium.”

On a moment’s notice, we are prepared to return to Washington.

Our strategy has allowed us to have a stable base of operations with everything in place to take care of both her and us while we live through this temporary phase of her and our lives.

I hope if you are facing a similar situation or worse, you can take the time to find the strategy that will help you make it through.  And, that you have all the love and support you need.

Giving each other support is one of the reasons I started Women on Fire.  And, I am so deeply grateful for all the loving concern from so many of you in the past weeks!  Thank you.

Wishing you a wonderful week filled with lots of love,

This is a quick hug to you from me while I’m on the run in Washington, DC.

My sweet, 80-year-old mother-in-law is back in the hospital after breaking her hip last week.

Rob and I are alternating caring for her and continuing to keep our busy lives and work going when we live hundreds of miles away from her.  Sound familiar to you in your life?

When I catch my breath, I will share some of my new awarenesses and strategies of having an aging parent at the end of life.

In the meantime, I was so deeply grateful last week to be in New York City with so many extraordinary Women on Fire.  And, I wanted to show you pictures from the two Women on Fire Holiday Teas at Lady Mendl’s, our final teas of 2011.

Women on Fire Holiday Tea in New York City (Photo by Shannon McCaffery)

I created Women on Fire teas in 2004 as a three-hour respite for busy women to meet women they might not ordinarily meet.  And, to share what they are “on fire” about – or not.

I dreamed of it to be a safe space where women could share their authentic selves and be listened to and heard.

With all that is going on in my personal life, no one needed that more than me last week!

Enjoying the Mother-Daughter tea with Kyra Nolte,  Judi Breitstein and Jaclyn Reilly (Photo by Josephine Donatelli)

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the women who attend teas in our many cities.  Here is what a few of you had to say about your favorite thing from from the experience:

Women on Fire Mother-Daughter Tea (Photo by Josephine Donatelli)

“It is a place where I can come and just BE… be who I am at that moment.” ~ Kim Dettmer

“Meeting new women who come together with positive encouragement, acceptance and love for each other. Being able to be vulnerable and not feel judged. Getting feed back from other women and gaining from their experiences.” ~ Josie Donatelli

“The safe environment you provide to share, experience and grow among other fabulous women.” ~ Cheryl Paulsen

“The sisterhood of knowing, regardless of race, religion, cultural background, women have the similar struggles and we want/can support each other in that safe environment you provide.” ~ Sai Jimenez

“The opportunity to unplug, meet new women, and share whatever is happening that we may want encouragement for or simply for a good ear to receive.” ~ Jen Madson

I’m excited about the calendar of teas coming up next year in New York, Naples, Columbus, Cleveland, Cincinnati and more!

Looking so forward to seeing you at a Women on Fire event in 2012!

Have a wonderful week, and I wish you much sweetness.

Hi, everyone and welcome to so many of you who found us in MORE Magazine this month. More than 200 of you and we’re thrilled you’re here!

Did you have a nice holiday weekend?

We sure did here on Martha’s Vineyard where we had a Friendsgiving — everyone eating turkey and pumpkin pie at our table was a beloved friend including two Women on Fire — Ann Graham and Ellen Wingard.

For the first time in a while, I really relaxed.  I spent much of the long weekend on the couch soaking in the warmth and gratitude from our Thanksgiving Day and reading.

I alternated between two inspiring biographies — on my Kindle was Walter Isaacson’s Steve Jobs and by the old-fashioned way — a hard-covered book! — I read Teddy Kennedy’s True Compass.

What those two men accomplished in their lives was motivating and profound to me.

And, then I came upon something wonderfully delightful and inspiring — this 10-minute video on opening our eyes and our hearts and allowing gratitude to overflow!

It was created by filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg speaking at Tedx/San Francisco.  Enjoy!

What did you think about the filmmaker’s interpretation of “Oh, my God!”?

And, how about that insightful little girl? “When you explore, you get more imagination than you already had. When you get more imagination,  it makes you want to go deeper in and and get more and see more beautifuller things.”  A mini-Woman on Fire, for sure!

I want to remember to live each day of my life like this — overflowing in awareness and gratitude — and I thought you might like it, too.

Have a wonderful week!  I am on my way to New York City for the last two Women on Fire teas in 2011.  I look soooo forward to seeing those of you who are attending.

Today’s post  is a little different.  It is about what happened when I was happily, busily going about my business – and life intervened.

A week ago Rob and I were celebrating his mother Connie’s 80^th birthday at her lovely and spacious apartment in an assisted living home in Washington, DC.

Today, seven days later, we tucked her into a hospital bed in the nursing home section down the hall from her apartment.  Only a few feet away and yet a million miles away from the life she once led as a popular college professor and vibrant worldwide traveler.

She made it to 80 but her health and wellness is rapidly declining.  In a week, she slid from living independently to needing full-time care.  I know many of you have faced this kind of challenge in your own world, too.

It’s been an awful roller coaster these past few days for us all to sort out the next steps for her care and comfort and dignity.

And, yet, in the midst of the confusion, commotion and sadness, my heart has never been more open and grateful for the love and support of friends and family and for the kindness of strangers.

The outpouring of love and support has made me wonder whether I’ve been there enough for others. And, has made me vow to redouble my efforts to be sensitive when others are going through difficult times.

Without even knowing our situation, so many strangers came to my rescue this week.

One night after leaving the hospital where Connie had been admitted, I found myself alone in the dark in the middle of nowhere.  There were no cabs so I grabbed the first bus that came by.

I told the driver I was lost and was he going anywhere near my destination?  He wasn’t and there were no more buses for the evening.  But if I stayed on his route until he finished, he would take me to my hotel.  And, he graciously did.

The next angel I encountered was in a drug store.  I was in search of some supplies for Connie, and a clerk sent me on a wild goose chase and still I couldn’t find the items.

Normally patient and calm, I felt frazzled and teary as I approached another clerk to ask for help again.  This one reached out and gently took my hand and guided me to the correct aisle.  Instinctively, she knew I needed comfort. It was a tender act of kindness I will not soon forget.

And, then there was Eastman, a handsome Husky with eyes the color of a swimming pool and fur like a polar bear.  When I asked if I could pet him, his owner smiled and said, “of course, he’s working today.”

Eastman is a service dog who visits Connie’s nursing home.  I fell to my knees and Eastman snuggled me and propped his chin on my shoulder. I leaned my head on him and hugged him.

Words elude me to express the sadness I feel as I watch my sweet mother-in-law, with tears in her own eyes, struggle to bring a cup of tea to her mouth and resign herself to her new living arrangement.

I didn’t have to say a word. Eastman understood my heartache.

May you have a wonderful Thanksgiving surrounded in love and joy.  I am deeply grateful that you are a part of my world and our inspiring circle of phenomenal women.

I’m posting this from Columbus, Ohio where I spent 24 years of my life and career before I moved to the East Coast in 1996.

I return to Columbus at least twice a year because I love Columbus and my many amazing friends and extended family there (including my beloved dentists Drs. Tom and Cheryl Hoffman, who I refused to give it up just because I moved hundreds of miles away

Hugging my best friend and Woman on Fire Jan Allen (Photo by Nancy Lambert)

On this trip, however, I couldn’t tell anyone I was coming to Columbus.  For months.  I had to keep a secret!

You see my best friend and Women on Fire leader Jan Allen turns 60 on November 21. And, her husband went to great lengths to plan a BIG SURPRISE party for her early enough that she might not suspect it.  And, he pulled it off!!

We had a ball last Saturday night and she was truly surprised!

So much so that when she walked into the room and more than 100 of us shouted HAPPY BIRTHDAY, she backed out the door because she thought she’d walked in and spoiled someone else’s surprise party!!  That is so sweetly Jan.

All the months of secret planning opened my eyes to the joy, excitement and giddiness that comes from creating a surprise for someone else.

Jan’s husband Curt planned every detail to what he knew Jan would absolutely love.  The people who were in the room. The food. The music. All for her. A big part of the fun was watching his excitement in the planning!

I found the energy of all the excitement was so uplifting.  And, it reminded me of the joy we get from creating a perfect surprise for someone.

While you don’t have to spend months like Curt did in planning an elaborate surprise, what would it do for you in your life to create a surprise for someone you love?

*  A phone call to someone who’d appreciate hearing your voice instead of an email?

* An offer to take kids on a play date with you!

* A invitation to treat someone to lunch at their favorite place — for no special reason?

Jan’s surprise party inspired me to create some more surprises for others in my life. So stay tuned.  You never know if you might be the “surprisee!”