In the sadness, the touches of sweetness

December 6, 2011 By Leave a Comment

This is a quick hug to you from me while I’m on the run in Washington, DC.

My sweet, 80-year-old mother-in-law is back in the hospital after breaking her hip last week.

Rob and I are alternating caring for her and continuing to keep our busy lives and work going when we live hundreds of miles away from her.  Sound familiar to you in your life?

When I catch my breath, I will share some of my new awarenesses and strategies of having an aging parent at the end of life.

In the meantime, I was so deeply grateful last week to be in New York City with so many extraordinary Women on Fire.  And, I wanted to show you pictures from the two Women on Fire Holiday Teas at Lady Mendl’s, our final teas of 2011.


Women on Fire Holiday Tea in New York City (Photo by Shannon McCaffery)

I created Women on Fire teas in 2004 as a three-hour respite for busy women to meet women they might not ordinarily meet.  And, to share what they are “on fire” about – or not.

I dreamed of it to be a safe space where women could share their authentic selves and be listened to and heard.

With all that is going on in my personal life, no one needed that more than me last week!

Enjoying the Mother-Daughter tea with Kyra Nolte,  Judi Breitstein and Jaclyn Reilly (Photo by Josephine Donatelli)

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all the women who attend teas in our many cities.  Here is what a few of you had to say about your favorite thing from from the experience:

Women on Fire Mother-Daughter Tea (Photo by Josephine Donatelli)

“It is a place where I can come and just BE… be who I am at that moment.” ~ Kim Dettmer

“Meeting new women who come together with positive encouragement, acceptance and love for each other. Being able to be vulnerable and not feel judged. Getting feed back from other women and gaining from their experiences.” ~ Josie Donatelli

“The safe environment you provide to share, experience and grow among other fabulous women.” ~ Cheryl Paulsen

“The sisterhood of knowing, regardless of race, religion, cultural background, women have the similar struggles and we want/can support each other in that safe environment you provide.” ~ Sai Jimenez

“The opportunity to unplug, meet new women, and share whatever is happening that we may want encouragement for or simply for a good ear to receive.” ~ Jen Madson

I’m excited about the calendar of teas coming up next year in New York, Naples, Columbus, Cleveland, Cincinnati and more!

Looking so forward to seeing you at a Women on Fire event in 2012!

Have a wonderful week, and I wish you much sweetness.

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Time to let gratefulness overflow!

November 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Hi, everyone and welcome to so many of you who found us in MORE Magazine this month. More than 200 of you and we’re thrilled you’re here!

Did you have a nice holiday weekend?

We sure did here on Martha’s Vineyard where we had a Friendsgiving — everyone eating turkey and pumpkin pie at our table was a beloved friend including two Women on Fire — Ann Graham and Ellen Wingard.

For the first time in a while, I really relaxed.  I spent much of the long weekend on the couch soaking in the warmth and gratitude from our Thanksgiving Day and reading.

I alternated between two inspiring biographies — on my Kindle was Walter Isaacson’s Steve Jobs and by the old-fashioned way — a hard-covered book! — I read Teddy Kennedy’s True Compass.

What those two men accomplished in their lives was motivating and profound to me.

And, then I came upon something wonderfully delightful and inspiring — this 10-minute video on opening our eyes and our hearts and allowing gratitude to overflow!

It was created by filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg speaking at Tedx/San Francisco.  Enjoy!

 

 

What did you think about the filmmaker’s interpretation of “Oh, my God!”?

And, how about that insightful little girl? “When you explore, you get more imagination than you already had. When you get more imagination,  it makes you want to go deeper in and and get more and see more beautifuller things.”  A mini-Woman on Fire, for sure!

I want to remember to live each day of my life like this — overflowing in awareness and gratitude — and I thought you might like it, too.

Have a wonderful week!  I am on my way to New York City for the last two Women on Fire teas in 2011.  I look soooo forward to seeing those of you who are attending.

 

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Kindness of strangers…and a blue-eyed boy

November 21, 2011 By 1 Comment

Today’s post  is a little different.  It is about what happened when I was happily, busily going about my business – and life intervened.

A week ago Rob and I were celebrating his mother Connie’s 80th birthday at her lovely and spacious apartment in an assisted living home in Washington, DC.

Today, seven days later, we tucked her into a hospital bed in the nursing home section down the hall from her apartment.  Only a few feet away and yet a million miles away from the life she once led as a popular college professor and vibrant worldwide traveler.

She made it to 80 but her health and wellness is rapidly declining.  In a week, she slid from living independently to needing full-time care.  I know many of you have faced this kind of challenge in your own world, too.

It’s been an awful roller coaster these past few days for us all to sort out the next steps for her care and comfort and dignity.

And, yet, in the midst of the confusion, commotion and sadness, my heart has never been more open and grateful for the love and support of friends and family and for the kindness of strangers.

The outpouring of love and support has made me wonder whether I’ve been there enough for others. And, has made me vow to redouble my efforts to be sensitive when others are going through difficult times.

Without even knowing our situation, so many strangers came to my rescue this week.

One night after leaving the hospital where Connie had been admitted, I found myself alone in the dark in the middle of nowhere.  There were no cabs so I grabbed the first bus that came by.

I told the driver I was lost and was he going anywhere near my destination?  He wasn’t and there were no more buses for the evening.  But if I stayed on his route until he finished, he would take me to my hotel.  And, he graciously did.

The next angel I encountered was in a drug store.  I was in search of some supplies for Connie, and a clerk sent me on a wild goose chase and still I couldn’t find the items.

Normally patient and calm, I felt frazzled and teary as I approached another clerk to ask for help again.  This one reached out and gently took my hand and guided me to the correct aisle.  Instinctively, she knew I needed comfort. It was a tender act of kindness I will not soon forget.

And, then there was Eastman, a handsome Husky with eyes the color of a swimming pool and fur like a polar bear.  When I asked if I could pet him, his owner smiled and said, “of course, he’s working today.”

Eastman is a service dog who visits Connie’s nursing home.  I fell to my knees and Eastman snuggled me and propped his chin on my shoulder. I leaned my head on him and hugged him.

Words elude me to express the sadness I feel as I watch my sweet mother-in-law, with tears in her own eyes, struggle to bring a cup of tea to her mouth and resign herself to her new living arrangement.

I didn’t have to say a word. Eastman understood my heartache.

May you have a wonderful Thanksgiving surrounded in love and joy.  I am deeply grateful that you are a part of my world and our inspiring circle of phenomenal women.

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Anyone you’d love to surprise?

November 8, 2011 By 2 Comments

I’m posting this from Columbus, Ohio where I spent 24 years of my life and career before I moved to the East Coast in 1996.

I return to Columbus at least twice a year because I love Columbus and my many amazing friends and extended family there (including my beloved dentists Drs. Tom and Cheryl Hoffman, who I refused to give it up just because I moved hundreds of miles away ;-)


Hugging my best friend and Woman on Fire Jan Allen (Photo by Nancy Lambert)

On this trip, however, I couldn’t tell anyone I was coming to Columbus.  For months.  I had to keep a secret!

You see my best friend and Women on Fire leader Jan Allen turns 60 on November 21. And, her husband went to great lengths to plan a BIG SURPRISE party for her early enough that she might not suspect it.  And, he pulled it off!!

We had a ball last Saturday night and she was truly surprised!

So much so that when she walked into the room and more than 100 of us shouted HAPPY BIRTHDAY, she backed out the door because she thought she’d walked in and spoiled someone else’s surprise party!!  That is so sweetly Jan.

All the months of secret planning opened my eyes to the joy, excitement and giddiness that comes from creating a surprise for someone else.

Jan’s husband Curt planned every detail to what he knew Jan would absolutely love.  The people who were in the room. The food. The music. All for her. A big part of the fun was watching his excitement in the planning!

I found the energy of all the excitement was so uplifting.  And, it reminded me of the joy we get from creating a perfect surprise for someone.

While you don’t have to spend months like Curt did in planning an elaborate surprise, what would it do for you in your life to create a surprise for someone you love?

*  A phone call to someone who’d appreciate hearing your voice instead of an email?

* An offer to take kids on a play date with you!

* A invitation to treat someone to lunch at their favorite place — for no special reason?

Jan’s surprise party inspired me to create some more surprises for others in my life. So stay tuned.  You never know if you might be the “surprisee!”

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Celebrating More…and Less!

October 24, 2011 By 2 Comments

I am home from Lake Austin Spa Resort in Texas where we celebrated MORE Magazine’s November issue that features Women on Fire.  And, in loving every moment at Lake Austin Spa, I certainly was cherishing LESS stress!

The simplicity and focus on nature, delicious, healthy meals, exercise, massages and inspiring connections with other women renewed my very being and re-energized me to take on the world.


While at Lake Austin Spa, Jamie and I went on a 2-hour hike and boat trip. Here I am on a parched river bed, which seemed to me like walking on the moon!

Woman on Fire Jamie Eslinger accompanied me to the spa (we were working, afterall, as we were each giving two talks!) and she made several videos I hope you get a chance to watch.  Here’s me saying good-bye on our last day in Texas in my favorite chair and room in the spa’s Garden Library.

Have you ever been to a spa?  Or have you wished to go but fear it is too expensive, frivolous or snobby?

My first visit to a spa was more than 20 years ago to the now-closed Bonaventure Spa in Florida. It’s where I first learned about the life-changing  benefits of taking better care of myself.

My best friend Jan Allen set up the trip. Back then, she knew I was so exhausted from my workaholic life that I didn’t know which end was up.

In fact, the restorative yoga class I took on my first day at the Bonaventure, I fell asleep — and woke up an hour after everyone else had left the room!

Investing in yourself is one of Women on Fire’s most meaningful aspirations.

And, I am here to tell you that investing in a spa experience can be a very powerful way to heal, to kickstart your next steps, to meet other inspiring women, and to bolster your health so you feel strong and vibrant to take on your dreams.

In addition to wonderful amenities at a spa, the peace, calm and quiet usually found at a spa — to think, nap, read a book or gaze into the sky — often results in less becoming more in your life.

I have returned home feeling lighter and brighter and even more excited for what is next.  The time at the spa gave me just the boost I needed to keep going toward my own dreams.

Plus, I brought a bit of the spa home with me. Jamie and I discovered a great healthy raw veggie salad with grilled salmon that I plan to duplicate at home!


Spa food is usually beautiful — and healthy. This recipe’s going home with me!

What are the investments in yourself that you are making in your own life right now?  How are they making a difference for you?  Please share in the comments section below.

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Video: I think you’ll like this SPA-RK!

October 17, 2011 By 2 Comments

Today feels like a holiday to me.  To see why, check out this video!

I am with Woman on Fire Jamie Eslinger and we are headed to Lake Austin Spa in Texas.

It’s our annual speaking engagement at the spa’s Wise Women Week  – yes, really we are working :-) .

But you bet in between our talks we are set to take advantage of the fun and relaxation at our favorite spa – and we want you to come with us!

Coming up this week, we plan to share with YOU everything we will be teaching to others and all the new things we will learn and discover.

At the spa, I will speak on these topics:  “Don’t Let What Scares You STOP You!” and “How To Live Your Dreams Like a Woman on Fire.”

If you remember our trip last year to Lake Austin Spa, it was there that Jamie made the decision to stop purchasing clothes or shoes for a year – and instead invest in her potential – in her head, heart, body and soul.

To keep herself on track, she agreed to write about it every single day and her very popular blog The Promise 365 was born. Today is Day 289 of that promise to herself.

So, it will be with great joy this week when Jamie presents to women at the spa her signature talk:  “You Can Do Anything – In One Year.”  She has done it and you can, too!

In addition to her brilliant work at Women on Fire, Jamie is a graduate of the Institute of Integrative Nutrition and she’ll also talk about her personal experience “Beating The Sugar Blues.”

You can join us and interact with us all week in the comments section below.

And, I was serious when I said I want you to come with us.

If there is anything you wish for Jamie and me to do or try this week at the spa, just leave word in the comments section below.  We will be choosing from among your suggestions. And, then report back to you!

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Breast Cancer Awareness Month: tattooing life on your chest

October 13, 2011 By 4 Comments

Photo by Rob Berkley

I love stories when fear, sadness or heartbreak transform into experiences of inspiration, courage and creativity.

Today I want to share with you just such a story.  And, it’s personal to me because the women involved are two women I love and work the closest with at Women on Fire — Jamie Eslinger and Blue Cullen.

I know none of us is untouched by cancer.

And, because October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, what Jamie and Blue have to share couldn’t have arrived at a better time. Maybe you, too, even have a “dots” story to share.  Below is their story, written by Jamie in her inspiring daily blog The Promise 365.

 —————————————————

Breast cancer tattooing life on your chest
by Jamie Eslinger


I have four or five tattoos on my body.
Honestly, I lost count after number four.  There could be five or six for all I know.

There is one tattoo right under my chin.  Another on my chest and on my belly.  I think there could be one or two more on my sides as well.

I didn’t choose my tattoos.
They were given to me as part of the cancer treatment du jour.

The thing is, the timing was perfect. It was right around the hot pop trend of teenage girls donning tattoos. Mostly around their ankles, with little butterflies and dolphins.  It wasn’t really rebellious, it was more of a statement of independence.

Tattoos were still somewhat taboo, but these dainty little decorations seemed to be graciously accepted in the teeny-bop set.  Well, to be fair, it was the age of grunge.

Regardless, I have always loved mine, the little dots the size of a pinhead lining the middle of my chest, neck and chin. In fact, whenever the conversation of tattoos appears, I proudly announce that I have many.

They are like battle wounds, prized possessions, marked memories. And, like most tattoos, they speak louder than words about where one has been and what one knows.

So, today, I was thrilled to learn someone I work with everyday at Women on Fire also has tattoos of the survivor kind.  This morning, Blue asked me, “Hey, Jamie, did you know I am a cancer survivor, too?”

I didn’t know.
We immediately embraced in that sisterly hug of a shared cancer connection.  Then Blue shared the story of her tattoo.

Instead of just being marked with the map of radiation dots for breast cancer treatment, Blue turned one dot into a meaningful memory by having it morphed into the OM symbol.

It reminds me of watching those old The Joy of Painting television shows when I was a little girl.  I loved seeing how Bob Ross would turn a smudge here or a drip there into a beautiful swan or a lovely tree.

There are no mistakes.
Just happy accidents.

And, I guess that’s how I feel about Blue’s tattoo ~ what a happy accident.  Nobody would ask for cancer or any of the side effects it comes with, including tattoos.  But, what a way to turn a gentle reminder about survival into a beautiful prayer for life.

Thank you Blue, for letting me share it here, too.
It’s good inspiration for the body and soul — proudly worn right over your heart.

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How to find time for you?

October 12, 2011 By 2 Comments

One of the great joys in my work is that when women learn what I do they often eagerly share with me what they are “on fire” about  — and what they struggle with.

Hands down, the number one issue and challenge I hear is this: “how do I find time for me?”


Last week at my very favorite Charles Hotel in Cambridge, MA — 36 hours of sheer bliss!

And, they aren’t the only ones confounded by that.  I know first hand what they are talking about.  Because I, too, struggle with having enough time for me.

And, I don’t even have children of my own.  Just a husband and a 17-pound cat!

Over the years, as a life and executive coach, I frequently worked to help women find time for themselves.

There was the corporate CEO who got up 30 minutes earlier every day so she could stretch to a yoga DVD; the stay-at-home mom of two who scheduled a date with herself every Tuesday night at her local Starbuck’s so she could read and write; the physician who scheduled a weekly massage — no matter what.

Today, as a speaker, writer and an entrepreneur running a company, I am keenly aware of how hard it is to find time for quiet, for exploration, for relaxation and fun.

Yet, along the way, I discovered one major strategy that moves mountains  toward solving the time-for-me problem.

Time for me must be scheduled!

No ifs, ands, or buts about it.  If time for me is not designated on the calendar, we are at the whim of our busyness, and work or others’ needs almost always win out.

Scheduling time for yourself is NOT about being pampered.  Time for yourself is essential to your health, your vibrancy, your ability to keep on going and your peace of mind.

For years, the motivational speaker Zig Ziglar made the point of how important it is take care of ourselves by asking audiences:

If you had a million dollar racehorse, would you keep him up all night, smoking and drinking coffee and booze and eating junk food?

If you did, how many races would he win? Obviously, horses can’t smoke or drink booze. But if they could, no sensible owner would subject one to that kind of treatment.

Yet, in the race for life, many people abuse their bodies, even as they observe the idea that if you’ve got your health, you’ve got everything.

We are those million dollar racehorses — and treating ourselves as we are is the key to our success for whatever we dream or desire.  That I know for sure, as Oprah would say!

Are you wondering what scheduling me-time has to do with the picture of me above in a hotel room?  Well, I happen to LOVE nice hotel rooms.

So, on occasion, I schedule time for just me in a beautiful hotel room.

It’s where some of my best ideas have been hatched!  Something about the comfy, clutter-free environment, the ability to order room service, and the simplicity of one lovely room frees my mind and puts my cares on hold.

If you have favorite me-time moments or strategies, please share with us in the comments section below.

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It. Was. Magnificent!

October 3, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The long-awaited Women on Fire Day in Columbus, Ohio is over.

And the joy from the love, inspiration, new and rekindled friendships, wisdom and great energy from the day still lingers.  Proving once again that “isolation is the dream-killer” and we can do so much more in the company of each other than alone!

Nearly 150 women from 17 states ranging in age from teens to 80s came to Ohio for the day filled with inspiration, strategies and support.

Here are a few highlights from the day’s photos in this video by Jamie Eslinger.

Do you see yourself or recognize other Women on Fire in the video?  No matter, I hope you will be uplifted to see so many women “on fire” in one room cheering on each other’s success!

Huge thanks to ALL of these Women on Fire for making the day so special:

* Jan Allen for organizing and hosting this amazing day at the gorgeous Franklin Park Conservatory.

* Keynote speaker — the one and only, five-time Emmy Award-winning producer, writer and star of her own show on SiriusXM — Janette Barber

* Panelists who spoke from their hearts about their lives: Liz Lessner, Debi Lilly, Mary Ellen Jones

* Women on Fire book co-authors who shared their stories from the book and gave an update on where they are today: Allison Barry, Lori Gagnon, Holly Getty, Mary Ellen Jones, Shannon McCaffery, Ginny Barney and Patti Wynn Brown.

* Our super-human and inexhaustible volunteers: Tandi Musuraca, Tricia Simpson, Angela Ittu, Kim Dettmer and Sandra Gurvis.

*  During Women on Fire Day, Andrea Dowding was honored for coaching so many women to success. The day was dedicated to her for her unflinching determination to help women and girls share their gifts, strengths and talents with the world. 

Since 2008, Andrea has led Women on Fire coaching groups and teas, along with Jerry Browning.

* Women on Fire and Sophfronia Scott presented the first annual Theo Scott Scholarship to inspiring, young entrepreneur Nicole Lovett.  The award was in honor of Sophfronia’s sister Theo who died this past summer and had planned to attend Women on Fire Day.

* Thank you to photographer Nancy Lambert who deftly assembled 150 women to take that final amazing photo in the video!

Thank you so much for being a part of our powerful and ever-expanding circle of love, inspiration and caring.

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Who’d miss you? Your tribe!

September 25, 2011 By 1 Comment

“It’s true that we want to be part of a tribe. What’s not true is that it must be the uber tribe, the one and only mass tribe, the center of the curve. Our own little circle is in fact what we really want.”  ~ Seth Godin

Want to see one of my all-time favorite photos?


Women on Fire gathering in Chicago, 2010 (Heather Stone Photo)

The reason I love the picture so much is because this is my tribe.

These are the women who inspire me with their enthusiasm, humor and courage. The women who lift me up to my higher self.  The women who genuinely want more for other women and are there to cheer each other on.

What a tribe we are. Coming together to inspire and support each other’s dreams. And, I love belonging to it.


Women on Fire in Columbus, Ohio, June 2011 (Jamie Eslinger Photo)

We have our own ways of being and doing that feel right and comfortable and connecting to us.  But that doesn’t mean our tribe is for everyone, nor should it be.

A few months ago at a Women on Fire Tea, a perfectly lovely and polite woman was a first-time attendee.  Afterward, she announced privately to the friend who brought her that she feared Women on Fire was a “cult.”

I laughed!  And was not the least bit offended.  I knew that our particular tribe simply wasn’t her cup of tea (so to speak!)

She left the tea, declaring she’d never return, but instead would be starting her own group – a running club for women.

Good for her!  She wanted, as Seth Godin points out, her “own little circle.”  And, that’s exactly as it should be.  A circle or a tribe where you feel you belong.

Who and what do you want to be a part of?  Who would miss you if you weren’t there? What kind of tribe uplifts you, provides what you need, feels right to you?

You can belong to many different tribes.  In my life, I have a best friend circle, a family circle, an extended family circle, a writers’ circle.


Some of the many members of my extended family tribe. (Rob Berkley Photo)

At other times in my life, I have belonged to circles for yoga, grief support, spirituality, tennis, and business mastermind groups.

What tribes do you belong to? Do you need to update them? Find new ones? Get more involved in the ones you have?

My tribe-of-all-tribes, circle-of-all-circles, is Women on Fire.  And, I hope it serves you in your life, too. (Or, you probably wouldn’t be reading this!)

So it is with great joy and exuberance that I am packing my bags and heading to Columbus, Ohio to be with my people!

Our long-awaited Women on Fire Day of inspiration, strategies and support, hosted by Jan Allen, is Friday, September 30.  I can’t wait to see so many of you in person. And, to introduce you to each other, including:

  • Keynote speaker Janette Barber
  • Panelists: Debi Lilly, Liz Lessner and M.E. Jones
  • Women on Fire Book Co-Authors: Ginny Barney, Allison Barry, Holly Getty, Lori Gagnon, Patricia Wynn Brown, Andrea Dowding, M.E. Jones, Shannon McCaffery … and me!

If you can’t be with us in person, we will miss you very much.  But no worries. You can still be with us!

Through social media, our reporter Renata Ramsini will share the day’s happenings so you can be part of the fun, and I hope you will.

So stay tuned to Facebook and Twitter (#WomenOnFire #WOFDay).

And, next week I’ll talk about just how good it felt to spend time with our fascinating, inspiring tribe.  Women who are most definitely my cup of tea!

 

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