Bonds forged

“Tomorrow the birds will sing.” ~ Charlie Chaplin in City Lights

At the moment, I’m sitting cross-legged on the floor in the JetBlue terminal at JFK Airport in New York.  Curiously, I hear birds twittering high above me in the ceiling rafters.

For the first time in my memory, a voice over the loudspeaker asks everyone in the terminal to stop what we are doing.  And, then invites us to observe a minute of silence in memory of the anniversary of 9/11.

Nearly everyone complies and the silence is eery and powerful.

The birds, however, keep singing.  And, I think ‘how perfect.’

When I was a little girl and the chips were down, or things weren’t going well, or I was struggling with grief, my ever-positive Dad would remind me that  “tomorrow the birds will sing.”  Maybe that phrase has inspired you, too.

After the minute is observed and the loudspeaker voice thanks us for honoring 9/11, people seem to move through the airport in a more connected way.

We are talking to each other, smiling at each other, noticing each other.

Some of us are teary.

Yet, in surviving the day of that awful, awful tragedy, only a stone’s throw from this airport, a bond among us humans is forged.

And yes, the birds are singing.

When baby girls fly…

As the path toward your dreams unfolds, there are so many twists and turns. Transitions.  Sometimes expected and planned for. Other times a complete surprise or shock.

Today I’m sitting here smack dab in the middle of a transition.  One of our “baby girls” is about to leave the nest…and I’m feeling rather unsettled.

As many of you know, Rob and I do not have children of our own. But we are blessed with many children sharing our lives, some related by birth; others by heart.  We treasure them all.

Julia’s birth on September 12, 1993 is the only one I’ve ever witnessed. Her gracious parents invited me to become her godmother and I was elated.

I called her “Baby Girl” and she called me her “Fairy Godmother.”  And because I never corrected her, it took other kids teasing her in the 2nd grade for her to learn I possessed only earthly powers. She was not pleased! (And I felt terribly guilty not to have told her the truth sooner.)

When she was 7, Julia began to live with us on Martha’s Vineyard during the summers.  One year she even brought a baby kitty with her.


The summer Julia, 10, arrived with a gift for us — Wilber!

Our summers were filled with theater camp, beach days and rainbow sprinkles for dessert.  (Sugar quantities provide one of the main distinctions between parents and godparents!)

Year around, our guest room is always “Julia’s room.” And, in the drawers and closet there no one disturbs her drawings, journals, earring backs, ProActiv toner, books and sizes-too-small flip flops.

Today, she is 17. And our summer life, as we lived it, is no longer.  Julia is soon to leave for college.  And while I’m not even her mother, I’ve realized I’m going through the transition many Moms (and Dads) go through when their children leave home. I wonder:

*  Was I a good enough godmother? (We established early that I was NOT to talk to her about religion or Sunday School as other “real” godmothers do ;-)

* Did I teach her well enough?  Was I a good enough role model for how to cope when the chips are down or celebrate for work done well?

* Is she going to be OK on her own thousands of miles away?

* Did I disappoint her in ways I cannot ever change?

In this transition, I also feel exhilarated for her launch into the world. 

Julia is strong and competent, brave, loving and resourceful.  She is a talented baker and extraordinary cook. She worked hard this summer in a retail store and saved her money.

Yesterday she met Rob and me for breakfast. As we each drove away in our own car, alone I sobbed all the way home over several transitions in my life right now.

I pulled into the driveway and glanced in my rearview mirror.  Julia was behind me!

She had sensed my sadness and followed me home — to give me an extra hug.  This godmother is so lucky to have a Fairy Godchild.


Look out, world. Here comes wise and wonderful Juiia!

If you are anticipating, or going through any kind of transition — a move, a new baby, marriage, divorce, grief, empty nest, job loss, new job — please join me this Tuesday, July 26 where I will be discussing Strategies To Ease Your Way Through Any Transition.

It will be a LIVE video chat, the first from Women On Fire Studios. I would love to have you on the call or share your thoughts about your own transitions in the comments section below.

Great Start 2011: 5 Ways To Powerfully Begin The New Year

I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions!

People make them on January 1 and by January 11, sadly, resolutions are often gone, a dream wished for and not a goal or plan on track for success.

You deserve to have your dreams and goals, and there are proven ways to achieve them.

After 15 years of successfully coaching people to meet their goals and realize their dreams, here are five of the many methods I teach Women on Fire and the ones I personally use to live the life I want.

NPR Talk Show Host Ann Fisher of WOSU Radio in Columbus, Ohio recently interviewed me about these strategies. About midway through this interview, we discuss these 5 Powerful Ways to Start Your New Year.

 

This week is a wonderful time to take account of the past year and develop your goals – a specific plan for your “resolution” – for the next. 

Enjoy!  And, let me know what your theme is for 2011.

Life: In the Shape of a Heart

Happy Valentine’s Day 2010…

Ashton Kutcher said something recently about celebrating Valentine’s Day that I really resonated to.   Every day – not just February 14 — should be a celebration of love.

And, while I’m the first person to jump up and down when I receive flowers and chocolate on Valentine’s Day, today I want to share my heart and deepest thanks to some important people — the many teachers and healers in my life.  The people who’ve helped me to find my path and stay on it; people who’ve filled my heart with love and joy; people who make my life February 14 every day!

Some are my dearest friends, family and colleagues; others I barely know; and others I may never have met at all!

Though my experience with them may be over a lifetime, for a few years, a couple of days, in a moment, in a lesson, in a phrase, or from a quote they’ve all served to significantly influence me and shape my life.

I invite you to create your own list of teachers, healers, helpers and angels who have shaped you into the loving, amazing person you are today!

Today I send hearts, chocolates and flowers to:

  • Alice Walker for teaching me “there is gold in grief”
  • Agapi Stassinopoulos and Bim Bissell for demonstrating what it looks like for a woman to be comfortable in her body!
  • Andrea Dowding for permission to say “maybe I will, maybe I won’t”
  • Barbara Sher for teaching me “isolation is the dream killer”
  • Bella Abzug for inspiring me to tap into my power as a woman
  • Ben and Rosamund Zander for wise counsel to “give everyone an A and then help them earn it”
  • Bill Keesee for nurturing my talents as a reporter and writer yet letting me know my good spirit and positive attitude were what really counted
  • Blue for being the finder of all lost objects and her advice: “if you want to find something, search like a woman!”
  • Bruce Springsteen, Mick Jagger, Tina Turner and all other 60-plus-year-old rock stars for removing any excuse I might conjure up not to exercise, stay fit and give my passion my everything!
  • Cecily Saunders for encouraging me to speak from my heart
  • Carly Simon for sharing that “there’s more room in a broken heart”
  • Carole Black for her advice “to reach back and pull up as many people with you as you can”
  • Curt Steiner for the surprising life lesson that my arch-political nemesis could marry my best friend…and I would end up adoring him!
  • David Deida for asking “what is the love you have to give to the world before you die?”
  • Denise Guest for setting the example to “take the time to make the time to take care of yourself”
  • Dick Phillips for standing me in front of a mirror to repeat (under much teen-ager duress!) “I will greet each day with love in my heart”
  • Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for inspiring me “to cultivate a tough mind yet lead your life with a tender heart”
  • Eleanor Celeste for viewing the world from a fresh perspective: “if we change our clothes, will it change our personalities?” and “where exactly does the sun sleep?”
  • Elizabeth Kubler-Ross for teaching me the stages of grief
  • Elvira Lang, M.D. for advising me when receiving tough medical news to “act swiftly and comprehensively”
  • Geraldine Ferraro and Ellen Wingard for showing me the importance of meeting regularly with girlfriends in a “mastermind” group to take stock and get support
  • Gloria Steinem for transforming my life by simply being the very epitome of graciousness and support
  • Holly Getty for sharing the shopping secret that if I wouldn’t pay full price for it, then don’t buy it “on sale.”
  • Hugh Fullerton for advising me to never assume anything
  • Irene O’Garden for sharing creative genius that allowed the rising tide to lift all boats
  • Jack Walker for showing me that peanut butter is to be eaten with a spoon from the jar!
  • Jacqueline Pimentel for NGUNGI – Never Give Up, Never Give In
  • Jan Allen for teaching me best friends take notes for each other in life and share them
  • Janette Barber for transforming heart-breaking adversity into humor, success and service to the world
  • Jerry and Esther Hicks and John and Annie Glenn for living lives of passion, purpose and partnership
  • Judy Tatelbaum for teaching me it takes courage to grieve
  • Julia Celeste for the miracle of a tender shoot in the darkest of winters
  • Kelly Boggs for her knack of introducing me to a wide-range of important teachers and inspirations from spiritual leaders to country music stars
  • Kippy for being a dog I could share my innermost thoughts with!
  • Libby Bradford for showing me how to live as she held my hand and showed me how to die
  • Lucinda Sweeney for being there always with unconditional love
  • Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley for teaching me the awareness of life’s “final gifts”
  • Margaret Mead for the words that made my aspirations seem possible: “no doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world…indeed it is the only thing that ever has”
  • Marianne Williamson for inspiring me not to stop before the miracle
  • Mary Jo Ruggieri for teaching me yoga and meditation and that the future of medicine will be energy healing
  • Mary Lue Phillips for demonstrating change is good, necessary and exciting! (And impressing upon me the importance of education…and telling me I can do anything…and reminding me never to envy anyone because we all struggle with “something.”)
  • Mary Lynne Musgrove for planting the idea that I “must, must, must write a book”
  • Mary Tyler Moore for assuring me I’m gonna make it after all
  • Max Celeste for teaching me the joy of sharing French fries
  • Maya Angelou for reminding me when I have a knife in my hand it’s best not to let my focus wander!
  • MJ Bindu Delekta for creating sacred space and the perfect landing spot on a bamboo floor
  • Mother Teresa for her example of allowing nothing to stand in the way of living life’s purpose
  • Nancy Neal for showing me open, loving hearts cross all boundaries and obstacles
  • Nikki Giovanni for the comfort I will never be without purpose: “There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well.”
  • Norman Shub for locating my “steel rods” and teaching me self-confidence is believing in my abilities; self-esteem is believing in my very being
  • Oprah for having the guts to perservere and lead the way
  • Pat Wynn Brown for sharing her bliss and urging me to follow mine
  • Phil Bradford Jr. for comforting me that God will not give me more than I can bear
  • Phyllis Krumm for advising me when guests are expecting cheese and crackers I should surprise them with cinnamon toast!
  • Rabbi Jerome Folkman for his wisdom that intelligent people get help
  • Regina Blos for courage in face of losing everything tangible
  • Rob Berkley for transforming my life and my soul by loving me to my very core
  • Roseanne Rosannadanna for having attitude: “it just goes to show ya…it’s always something!”
  • Sarah Ban Breathnach for writing a book that I read every single day for two years to keep my head above water
  • Stedman Graham for cheering me on in my new, unheard-of profession by assuring me life and executive coaching fit me “like a glove”
  • Stephen Cluney for telling me everything I need is already inside of me
  • That Girl for the hope and belief that I, too, could grow up, have my own apartment and a great boyfriend like Donald!
  • Thich Nhat Hahn for being the first to show me exactly how to slow down and mindfully drink a cup of tea, wash a dish, take a walk, breathe in loving kindness
  • Thomas Leonard for helping me to perfect the work and life of my dreams — effortlessly
  • Wilber Philber, the cat, for nudging me every day to stop and play
  • William Shakespeare for his terrific suggestion: ‘to thine own self be true’

I would love to hear your own example of someone who touched your life and helped to transform it.  Please share in the comments section below.  I look forward to reading your comments!

Happy Day of Love to you,

Debbie

P.S. Thank you to Woman on Fire Melissa McClain for the wonderful, heart-shaped image above; you can view her exquisite work at melissaAnneGallery.

I am not a foodie. But I am tonight.

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Laurie Forster, The Wine Coach, and a co-author in the Women on Fire book and me in Washington, DC.

You found me in Washington, DC.

I am here to launch the first-ever (in DC) Women on Fire Tea Party tomorrow at the Willard Hotel, right around the corner from a certain big white Where I am camped out (or rather luxuriating) is a few blocks away — at the French-inspired Sofitel.  Rob and I always stay here when in DC.  If I were to marry a hotel, it would be The Sofitel!  I have never been let down; it has always been for the better; and all visits here have resulted in living happily ever after (for the most part!).  I’m also richer than poorer because The Sofitel is often reasonably priced as it was this visit ($225 per day)  for impeccable accommodations.

I say I’m not a foodie, because, well, food actually kind of  bores me.  But not so if the food has anything to do with France!

So far today, there’s been coffee, a chocolate croissant, homemade granola, a mini-yogurt smoothie and caesar salad.  I’ve always wondered why food in France, the exact food we have here, tastes so much better there? Being at the Sofitel is like stepping into France!

Chicken and Mushroom Crepes

Take my dinner tonight, for instance.  Oh, how I wish you could have a bite of this.

It is a chicken and mushroom crepe with a glass of Trimbach Riesling, which I knew would be a perfect pairing.  (Thanks to Woman on Fire Laurie Forster, the Wine Coach, who has me trained!)

For one brief shining moment here in Washington, DC, I am a foodie caught up in the possibility that I could be one of those French women who savors every single delicious morsel of her meals— and never gains an ounce!