3 Ways To Ease Your Grief

On any given day, loss can sneak up on you and grief takes over.  And what do you do when that happens?

In this week’s video, I discuss how grief can feel like an internal car accident. You may look fine on the outside. But inside you may feel as though you’ve broken your arms and legs.

If that had actually happened, you’d be in a hospital resting, healing and receiving medical attention. The same must occur if you’re grieving. You must take exquisite care of yourself and find the care and support you need to heal.

Recently, in one week, I lost two very wise women in my circle of inspiring friends, Trudy Taylor, 92 and Olga Hirschhorn, 95.

Nancy Aronie, the brilliant writer and Chilmark Writing Workshop founder, reminds us, “when you find a woman in your life who is just a few years older than you and has experience, it’s life-changing. You want to grab every bit of wisdom from her.”

That’s how I strongly I felt about Trudy and Olga. They were life-changers. I soaked up every bit of their wisdom, knowledge, and humor. And now that they are gone, the void hurts. I tear up at even the mention of their names.

This is not the first time I’ve lost someone precious to me in my life. And I imagined you’ve had your share of losses, too.

With each loss, we face a new grieving process we must lean into.

From experience, here are three strategies that have helped me and my coaching clients:

I hope you’ve found even just one of these strategies helpful as you heal from any of your own losses.

“Joy shared is doubled; grief shared is halved” is sweet relief that you may find comfort here in sharing your own road to healing from grief.

Love,

Debbie Signature

P.S. If you are in the New York City area, BookTheWriter is hosting a Women on Fire evening and workshop, 7:30-9:30PM Tuesday, November 3 for 20 women at a private home. Cost is $40. Only a few seats remain. Check out details and registration here. I hope to see you there!

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Who is the CEO of your life?

When you think about someone being a CEO, what comes to mind?

And how does that apply to you?

In a quick survey, here’s what women in my life said a CEO is responsible for:

  • ˜ Is in charge of the direction
  • ˜ Holds the vision, values and goals
  • ˜ Knows how and what to delegate
  • ˜ Builds and sustains a great team
  • ˜ Holds the ultimate responsibility and is where the buck stops
  • ˜ Leads everyone through good times and bad
  • ˜ Is the one in charge who doesn’t give up when others do
  • ˜ Has tough skin to receive criticism and either ignores it or uses it for growth
  • ˜ Figures out complex issues
  • ˜ Knows when to take charge and when to let go

Unless you are currently the CEO of a company, you may not think of yourself as a Chief Executive Officer.

But I urge you to carefully read each statement above, and I think you may look at being CEO a little differently.

No matter your job or your position, at the very least, you are the CEO of your life and your family’s life!

In today’s video, I ask three questions that will help you to see how well you are doing at being the CEO of your life.

Use your answers to the questions in the video as a starting point to begin taking charge of your life in a way you might not have done before.

With this new knowledge and power, what is one change you’re going to make this week?

However you decide to fully express your CEO capabilities, we are here to cheer you on!

Now…about that private jet 😉

Love,

Debbie Signature

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Silence is not an option

Martin Luther King Jr. reminds us that “our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

Today, I want to talk about something that all Women on Fire need to be aware of. And an issue I invite you to consider working to eliminate: racism and hate crimes.

In a Facebook post from our beloved and respected Women on Fire sister Sophfronia Scott, she told us about an unthinkable crime that was perpetrated against her brother, a U.S. Army veteran.

What you will see in this video below is how gracefully Wayne Scott responded to a disgraceful, revolting act of violence.

[VIDEO] https://www.facebook.com/AJStream/videos/929769950399958/?pnref=story

At the time his home was defaced and his safety violated, this kind and gentle man was out of town, taking care of his elderly mother. He served and was injured in Iraq and still copes with chronic physical pain.

I marvel at how he responded.  I’m not sure I could muster the courage to be as forgiving as Wayne. Could you?

He certainly inspires as a role model for Dr. King’s great wisdom:

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

This video was shared thousands of times on social media, and I personally received many public and private messages.

Some people were surprised these racist activities continue; others expressed fear and hopelessness; and nearly everyone asked what can be done.

Honestly? I don’t know.

But what I do know is that I am not going to remain silent.

And I hope you won’t either.

I stand with Wayne Scott.

And I stand with every single person who has been discriminated against for the color of their skin, their country of origin, their sexual orientation, or their religion.

It is shameful this goes on in the world. Enough already.

Secondly, I hope if this video moved you that you will simply share it with your family and friends by email or social media.

In doing so, you are saying that you too stand with Wayne Scott.

In a recent interview with Paul Costello of Stanford University, former President Jimmy Carter lamented that we have “let down our guard” after a feeling of accomplishment and self‑congratulations from the civil rights movement’s success.

He urged our government and society to “readdress” and correct these discriminatory issues and behavior.  He concluded, “we have a long way to go to do away with the last vestiges of racial discrimination.”

And Dr. King left us wise counsel by telling us that the greatest tragedy is not “the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.”

All the more reason to speak up today.

Thank you for being a force for good and for standing up to make this world better.

Love,

Debbie Signature

P.S. Please always feel free to share your comments below.

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Who celebrates you?

Even though it’s not officially fall, today marks the day most of us say goodbye to summer.

And it’s also a special day here because it’s my husband Rob’s birthday. And I’m dying to show you his surprise!

He’s an amazing photographer and I thought he deserved a cake that was “picture perfect.”

The cake was so much fun and gave us so much joy (not to mention that it was delicious with gluten-free vanilla layers filled with chocolate ganache and vanilla mousse!)

The inspiring cake made me think of the many converations I’ve had with women who’ve discounted their tremendous creative gifts.

  • I just like to bake. There’s no money in that.
  • It’s what I do. Nothing special.
  • No one would be interested in what I have to offer; anyone can do that.

I don’t personally know the woman on Martha’s Vineyard — Cakes By Liz — who designed and made Rob’s unique cake. But I hope she knows that by sharing her gift with the world it created a ripple effect of joy and delight for us!

So the next time you choose to discount or ignore that thing that you love and do so well — please remember your gift, strength or talent means the world to the people waiting for it.

OK, today’s SPARK!  is about finding your “people” — or your tribe. What is the result for you when you answer these three simple questions?

 

Keep the quality of the people in your life high and notice the difference.

Last week I laughed at a post I saw on Facebook that illustrated the point of surrounding yourself with the best people.

It said: “I’d rather have four quarters than 100 pennies.”  To which, one very funny Woman on Fire wrote: “I’d rather have 100 quarters.” Agreed!

I wish you always to be surrounded by many great people who uplift you.  Have a fantastic week and keep me posted on you!

Love,

Debbie Signature

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How to turn your bad day around FAST!

The other day I woke up cranky.

(I know … hard for you to believe because I truly am patient and easy going …but then there are those days 😉

Even after I reviewed the shadowy fragments of my dreams for clues, I still had no understanding why I’d gotten up on the “wrong side of the bed.”  And, my day went downhill from there.

The cat bit me. I ran late to my first appointment. The dryer died.

And, life continued to slide off course until I pulled myself together (I am a coach with tips and strategies after all!) and took a few minutes to do these quick strategies in this brief (2:53) video:

Can you believe how simple?

In short order, my day turned around. It seemed almost magical that using these easy strategies could make such a difference, but it did.

If you ever find yourself a cranky, hot mess, I hope you’ll try them out. And let me know how it works out for you. I’m betting you’ll feel less stressed and miserable — and much more like yourself again.

Have a great week!

And stayed tuned: we have a BIG surprise coming soon for you! 🙂

Love,

Debbie Signature

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How to Get Back on Your Path When You Fall Off

If this is your first Women on Fire SPARK! since you registered, welcome!

And, if this is the first time you’ve heard from me in a while, I’ve missed you.

We’ve upgraded the way we provide you inspiration, strategies and support with a new video format to make communicating a little more personal.

Let me know if you like it!

My goal is that in three minutes or less you can learn something to lift you up in your life.

You know those times in your life when you wonder where you’re going? Those times when you feel you’ve fallen off your path — and you’re not sure which way to turn?

If you need to get back on the road to the life you want, here are two strategies that will help you:

Key Takeaways

1. Keep a journal for 6 weeks, without reviewing it until the end, keep track of the single thing that brought you joy at the end of each day. After 6 weeks review and observe patterns that appear. Those patterns are usually a great indication of what you need more of in your life.

2. Enlist the help of your family, friends and colleagues. Create a quick questionnaire for them to fill out. Ask them to reflect on what they as your greatest strength and gift.

Keep me posted on how these strategies work for you.

And let me know …

If you’ve ever fallen off your path, how did you get back on track?

Love,

Debbie Signature

P.S. For further support to take next steps in your life, check out “Finding Your Next” by Jan Allen in our book: Women on Fire: 21 Inspiring Women Share Their Life Secrets (and Save You Years of Struggle!)

P.P.S. Give yourself the gift of a Women on Fire journal here.

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