Ho! Ho! Ho!

If you’re anything like me right now, you’re eagerly tidying up 2014 to bring on the holidays and 2015.

(And I hope you’re having a little fun doing it as my colleague Meredith Schoenberger …uh, I mean Santa Claus … and I did last week during the Women on Fire Holiday Live Chat!)

Before we say goodbye to the year, I want to share with you the five questions I am most frequently asked.

These questions come to me all year long either in emails or private conversations or in public talks or forums.  Some are personal; some are serious; all are asked with love and genuine curiosity.

1. Debbie, you’re so positive. You’re so perky. Are you ever in a bad mood?

Hahaha! I was tempted to invite my husband answer this question. 😉

Born on June 25, I am a Cancer, a Moon Child, so I wax and wane with the moon.

When I was a little girl, my mother would exclaim of my flair for being emotionally up or down (sometimes every other minute), “you’re sooooo dramatic and moody!”

I wish I knew then what I know now.  I would have flung myself across the floor and implored of her, “But, Mom, I am a Cancer, trying to express myself, and I am being mysteriously controlled by the moon!!”

I AM a positive person, and I see the glass half full, but that doesn’t keep me on occasion from being cranky, sad, angry or depressed about something upsetting.

Fortunately, after years of therapy and personal development, and at a stage in my life where I am happy, content and deeply fulfilled by my marriage, work, friends, family and colleagues, I have strategies to cope with the times I’m less than my happy self.

Chiefly, I stop the action and ask myself what is really at the core of my upset or mood. Self-awareness is key to living your dreams — and peace of mind.

No one can stay perky 100% of the time. Including me. (I am tempted though to ask Katie Couric how she does it?!)

2. Do you believe every person has a (fill in the blank) gift/spark/passion/purpose?

Yes, I do!

I’ve talked with and coached thousands of women over the years, and unless someone was profoundly and clinically depressed, I have always seen a spark inside of every single person.

She may not feel it.  She may not even believe it’s “in there.”  But it is.

Best-selling author Deepak Chopra once said that the single greatest job a parent must do for their child is to help them find their gift, their purpose, their passion.

Some of us are lucky and know it early on.  Others of us spend our lives seeking it.

But yes, your passion is in there and it is our parents’ jobs to help us find and nurture it when we are young. And, if we haven’t found it by the time we’re adults, we must make it our quest.

And age is no barrier to finding, embracing, and manifesting your gifts.

3. I’m not on fire.  How can I get in touch with my passion – and how will I know when I find it?

Do you remember a time you were “on fire” in your life? If so, that’s what finding your passion feels like.  You are utterly absorbed.  It doesn’t feel like work.  You’d do it for free.  It feels right.

Here are two quick ways to find your passion:

Slow down and listen to yourself.  Read. Explore. Allow yourself to feel. Go for joy, whether it’s volunteering at an animal shelter, baking a great pie, or skiing down a mountainside.  Whatever brings you joy, do more of it!

Ask others you trust what they see are your gifts, strengths and talents?  Often, those closest to you, including children, know what you are special and gifted at doing – even if you aren’t sure.

Why should you put in the effort to find your passion?  You will spend the rest of your life way happier and more fulfilled!

4. Don’t you get tired listening to people’s problems all the time?

Although I no longer have a one-on-one coaching practice (I’m too busy running Women on Fire!), I have coached women for nearly two decades.  I consider it an honor when people share with me their deepest dreams, desires, pain and disappointments.

A great coach (therapist, teacher, parent, friend) remains separate from the person who entrusts them with their heart and soul.

The truth is I am actually enlivened when I get to share in women’s lives as they search for, discover, struggle and go for their dreams – bumps and all!

I have never been tired by the gift of listening to someone genuinely and authentically share her journey.

What is tiring — and why I suspect I get this question — is because we all know someone who is a help-rejecting complainer.

These are people who have no intention of a better life although they claim otherwise. They live to complain, throw up roadblocks, make excuses, tell you why it won’t work, and in general, stay stuck and miserable. No matter what you do to help!

That’s tiring. It’s not the Women on Fire way of living so you don’t have to worry about that here!

And, while I’ve placed it as the fifth question, the question I am asked MORE than any other is …

5. What about Men on Fire?

The fact that this question is on so many women’s (and men’s) minds tells me there is a crying need for a way for men to connect as we do here at Women on Fire.

Because I hear this question so often, I’ve wondered about it myself.  And I believe that Women on Fire receive so much joy and connection from this community that they want it for their husbands, boyfriends, partners, sons and male friends, too.

Many of you know my husband Rob Berkley is an extraordinary executive coach who works with a lot of men.  So I know from his work, too, that there is great need.

I believe in the future there will be a “Women on Fire” for men to gather in ways that suit their particular needs just as we’ve done here.

In the meantime, the greatest gift we can give the men in our lives is to be our full and radiant, confident and loving selves.  It’s inspiring for men and women alike to see a woman go for it!

Thank you for your questions.  I’m always happy to answer whatever is on your mind.

Thank you so much, too, for being a part of this ever-growing circle of thousands of women dedicated to being your best.

I’ll be back next week for the final SPARK! of the year.

Then, together we’ll welcome a new year and a fresh start to making your dreams come true.  What is it you want to be telling me a year from now about your life? 🙂

Love,