The hidden magic in your struggles

by on January 12, 2015

You may be new to Women on Fire or you may have been a part of this ever-expanding circle for years.

I am super happy and excited to start off 2015 with you!

Women on Fire exists to celebrate or discover what you’re “on fire” about, and to provide inspiration, strategies and support to bring you more of what you want into your life.

The Spark! is your home for ideas, inspiration, and strategies — and to feel cherished and supported.  Because you are!

(In addition, our monthly membership was created to super-size your experience here. See the P.S. below for a special surprise for you if you’re not yet an official member.)

Today our topic focuses on how to turn what’s been a big challenge in your life into one of your greatest gifts to the world.  Your real gifts – your true purpose — are often hidden in shame or embarrassment or fear of being found out.

The irony is that it is often our pain that shapes us and makes us so very special – and can help us to help change life for others.

Take these women, for example:

Oprah is famous for sharing her great struggles (poverty, teen pregnancy, unstable home life, sexual abuse) and for transforming her turmoil into the fuel that propelled her career to greatness and beyond anyone’s imagination.

And it is true, too, for a dynamic and inspiring woman I interviewed last week — ABC News correspondent Mara Schiavocampo. You may have seen her on Good Morning America or in her last job at MSNBC.

Mara has written Thinspired, a brand-new book about her success in standing up to a nearly life-long food addiction battle to lose 90 pounds.  Even if you don’t have weight to lose, you will be empowered in whatever struggle you might face by how Mara persevered to overcome her demons and become the very best version of herself.

Her life’s great challenge with weight has now become her gift to the world.

Mara’s bingeing and food addiction was at least partially set into motion by a well-intentioned relative who insisted on monitoring and regularly weighing in Mara when she was a little girl.

To confuse matters, when this precious little girl lost weight at her weekly weigh-ins, her reward was a sweet treat such as ice cream!

In our interview, Mara shared how ashamed she was for her eating habits – and also her joy at the freedom of now saying the truth of her life.  And while her book has just been published, I believe she will help, inspire and influence many more people by revealing her greatest challenge than she ever would have in keeping silent even though she has a high-profile job on network television.

So, how is it for you? How can you turn your greatest challenges into your great strengths, as Oprah and Mara have done? Here are some questions to consider:

  • Are you aware of the secrets you keep hidden?
  • Have you overcome, worked through, healed from your challenges?
  • If you told your story, who might benefit?
  • If you die with your story inside of you, is that OK with you?
  • What potential is locked inside of you, hiding, waiting for you to welcome it into the world?

To get clear about your obstacles, past and present, write down all of the challenges that have shaped your life. Then, make a plan to bring them positively into your life.  What do you have to lose? My guess is you have everything to gain.

Have a fantastic week ahead and I am so thrilled to be on this road with you to living your most fulfilled and inspired life!

Love,

Debbie Signature

P.S. If you’re not yet an official member of Women on Fire, you are invited to join our monthly membership program where you’ll receive the interview with Mara Schiavocampo in your February membership package.

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She Said What?!

by on June 10, 2013

The outdoor shower has been turned on.  Shiny, ripe strawberries are ready for picking.  Students are being celebrated at graduation parties.

It’s that time of the year.

And, one of my favorite pastimes in June is to read the inspiration and wisdom from celebrated speakers at college commencements across the country.

This year, I was inspired and uplifted by three speakers, in particular, including what Oprah had to say at Harvard.

“It doesn’t matter how far you might rise, at some point you are bound to stumble,” she said.  “Because if you’re constantly doing what we do, raising the bar.

“If you’re constantly pushing yourself higher, higher, the law of averages, not to mention The Myth of Icarus, predicts that you will at some point fall. And when you do,” she warned, “I want you to know this, remember this: There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us into another direction.”

“It’s okay to feel bad for a little while,” Oprah said. “Give yourself time to mourn what you think you may have lost. But then, here’s the key: Learn from every mistake because every experience, encounter, and particularly your mistakes, are there to teach you and force you into being more of who you are.”

If you have a half-hour, I encourage you, if you haven’t yet, to watch Oprah’s entire speech.

(And, note the many times the camera zooms in on Woman on Fire member Sophfronia Scott who was in the audience celebrating her 25th graduation from Harvard!)

*This week’s Spark PINspiration*  

Pin to Pass on the Love!

See what Oprah, Arianna Huffington and Katie Couric all have in common in this week's SPARK- www.debbiephillips.com Women On Fire[pinit]

And while I adored everything Oprah said, I really loved how Arianna Huffington inspired graduates at Smith College.

Arianna is the president and editor-in-chief of The Huffington Post and the sister to beloved Woman on Fire Agapi Stassinopolous, author of Unbinding the Heart: A Dose of Greek Wisdom, Generosity, and Unconditional Love.

(Agapi’s book, by the way, is a great gift for a new graduate!)

Arianna urged Smith graduates to lead a new kind of women’s revolution; one that defines success in a new way.

“At the moment, our society’s notion of success is largely composed of two parts: money and power,” Arianna said in her remarks.

What is needed now is a new, third metric to define success: “one founded on well-being, wisdom, our ability to wonder, and to give back … because the world you are headed into desperately needs it.”

She went on to explain that “more and more people, very successful people, are toppling over. Basically, success the way we’ve defined it is no longer sustainable.

“Already, women in stressful jobs have a nearly 40 percent increased risk of heart disease, and a 60 percent greater risk for diabetes. And in the last 30 years, as women have made strides and gains in the workplace, self-reported levels of stress have gone up 18 percent.”

She warned how sleep deprivation is harming our creativity and shared how The Huffington Post is making an effort to put a dent in the problem.  They have installed two nap rooms in their offices.

At first people were hesitant to take naps, she said, because they feared others would think they were shirking their duties.  “I’m happy to say, our nap rooms are now always booked. Although the other day I was walking by and I saw two people walking out of one of the nap rooms. But, hey, whatever it takes to recharge. Just don’t tell HR, ok?” 😉

And, finally, Katie Couric, who lost her husband, Jay Monahan, to colon cancer in 1998, wrapped up her speech with this powerful thought for us all when she spoke to Randolph Macon College graduates in Virginia:

“The losses I’ve experienced have taught me something else: We are all terminal. You have to appreciate the gifts that every day of your life will bring: Your family. Your friends. A beautiful sky at sunset. A perfect ear of corn in August. The first snowfall of the year. A baby’s tiny hand. Be grateful for the time you have and savor the joy that comes your way.”

Congratulations if you or someone you love is graduating this year. I wish you a joy-filled week – and plenty of sleep!

 

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‘You go, girl’ strategies

by on May 20, 2013

Hello to you from Martha’s Vineyard, where it is blissfully quiet and peaceful this time of year.

Quite a contrast coming from bustling New York City where this past week I got to see many of you, and it made me oh-so-happy!

A group of us attended the Women on Fire-sponsored “Our Inner Lives” event featuring Marianne Williamson, singer India.Arie and other spiritual leaders, organized by feminist.com.


Some of the Women on Fire who spent time with Marianne Williamson: Jessica Robinson, me, Jenifer Madson, Marianne Williamson, Jan Nolte, Shannon McCaffery, Robyn Silverman, Holly Getty, Janina Sebesky and Michelle Whittaker.

Women on Fire from as far away as Ohio and California joined us in New York to be motivated and inspired by Marianne’s wisdom.


Becky Counts Freese, owner of Cookies on Demand in Montpelier, Ohio, traveled to New York to meet Marianne!

As many of you know, Marianne came into my life (thanks to Woman on Fire member Kelly Boggs who introduced me) nearly two decades ago when I was picking up the pieces of loss, despair and uncertainty in my life.

Her wisdom guided me to the very happy life I now live!

In fact, Marianne’s spiritual teachings and  ‘you go, girl’ encouragement saved my life.

She helped to bring me back from the brink after losing to death my beloved mother-in-law, then getting divorced, coming to a fork in the road with my career, moving to a new city, and eventually finding love again.

A teacher, author and lecturer for more than 30 years, Marianne has published ten books, including four New York Times #1 bestsellers.

I know many of you know and love her work with The Course In Miracles.  If you don’t know about Marianne, I encourage you to check her out.

My favorite is her prayer book Illuminata.  But if you are reading her for the first time, you might start with her classic A Return To Love.


Celebrating at lunch with my wonderful friends — Marianne, Edward Beck and Kathy O’Hearn

Today I want to share with you five powerful, ‘you go, girl’ strategies I learned from Marianne – and continue to follow — to create inner peace so necessary in this crazy world.

1) When I have conflict with another person, I take this action:

“Who is more sane in this moment?” It is the job of the person who feels the most sanity to listen and attempt to understand the other party in a conflict.

2) When I feel scared or that I am not good enough, I read this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

“We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

3) When I can’t forgive, I remember:

“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.”

4) When I feel depressed or lost, I consider:

“We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we’re not extending in the present.”

5) When I feel overwhelmed by negative emotion, I go here:

“Always seek less turbulent skies.
Hurt. Fly above it.
Betrayal. Fly above it.
Anger. Fly above it.
You are the one who is flying the plane.”

Even though these strategies of Marianne’s wisdom may seem simple, if you practice them, you will find your burdens lifted in ways you can’t imagine.

Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.

The other night in New York Marianne reminded us of the power of the ‘you go, girl’ attitude and the absolute necessity to have each other’s back, if we are to change the world and our lives.

“It’s time to encourage each other. It’s time to say to each other, ‘You go fly. You can do it. You’re brilliant.’ The only way we can believe that about ourselves is if we help other people feel it about themselves.”

Cheering each other on is what we have been doing at Women on Fire for 10 years.  And encouraging each other to fly is what we will continue to do.   From Marianne and me to you — you go, girl!

*This week’s Spark PINspiration*  

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We are bringing "You Go Girl" back one Woman On Fire at a time. www.womenonfire.com

 

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