I am grieving. The impact of three deaths in six weeks – my brother, my long-time yoga teacher and friend, and our beloved Women on Fire member Jane – has left me exhausted and sad.
Your wonderful notes, gifts and words of support during this time have meant the world to me. Thank you.
*This Week’s Pinspiration*
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So, when my husband cheerily asked me what I was going to write about today, I drew a blank. Nothing. Was. Coming.
And, I wanted to bop him on the head for even bugging me about it.
That’s how it is sometimes during grief. I am not myself. I’d never bop my husband on the head for being supportive! Except clearly when I’m grieving.
And to make things even harder, I can’t easily grab on – to plans, to thoughts, to what to do next. Slights or perceived injustices that normally escape my attention can pierce my heart.
Having survived heartbreak from losing loved ones in the past, I know my current condition is temporary. Yet I want these feelings to be gone now and my “normal” self to return.
If you, too, are experiencing the effects from losing someone you love or are expecting to lose, you know the struggle. Sleepless nights, loss of concentration and perspective, fear, anxiety, physical and emotional exhaustion.
I want to think my way through – to make sense of the losses — but I can’t. And I know the only way around this sadness is to feel my way through it. Lean into my grief, which means to scream, cry, sob, whimper, whatever I need to do to express this hurt. And, I want to dedicate myself to tripling my self-care.
It’s not even one day at a time for the grieving soul. It’s one moment at a time.
The French philosopher La Rochefoucauld said, “Neither the sun nor death can be looked at with a steady eye.”
Last week I took note of what gave me relief when I glanced away from death and stopped ruminating. Even if relief only lasted a minute, an hour, or an evening, it was enough to keep me moving and let me know I will get through this. Grief has no timetable. It takes as long as it takes.
Here are seven things I want to share that brought me comfort. If you’re grieving, my wish for you is to find what might bring you some relief, too. So, here’s my list:
Thank you for the fun, sweet Chloe!
* Playing with an adorable, cuddly, giggling, 9-month-old baby girl for an entire evening.
* Lunch with a friend whose mother is dying. From our touching time together, she crafted this beautiful video. If you have someone terminally ill in your life, make sure they know what their life meant to you. It will be your greatest final gift.
* Joining the Women on Fire Fall Cleanse group – having the support of holistic health coach Amy Marzluff and Women on Fire members to eat healthy and take care of myself is extra powerful and helpful during this tender time.
* Reading a short, inspiring, uplifting book. Stay tuned for this month’s Book To Live By. I loved this book so much I’ve chosen it as our November selection.
Homemade pumpkin cookies 🙂
* Baking pumpkin cookies (recipe when you click!) from scratch. As a little girl, I loved to bake more than anything. Even though I’m on the cleanse and not currently eating sweets, it gave me so much joy to bake cookies and give them away!
* A two-hour nap, a walk and a romantic dinner with my husband (the same husband I had the audacity to want to bop today!) at our favorite restaurant the night before I started the cleanse.
* Cleaning out my closet! Clutter bogs me down and makes me even more tired when I’m grieving. So I took to my closet and am happy to report two boxes full of gently used clothing, purses and jewelry are headed to Dress For Success in Columbus, Ohio.
(Thank you to Women on Fire book co-author Marilyn Brown for introducing me to this wonderful organization, which recycles clothes for women in need.)
* And, you. You give me comfort by being here week after week. Thank you for walking through life together. I cannot imagine it without you. The way you are with me. The care and support you give to each other is truly inspiring.
Now, that is something I can grab on to.
Have a wonderful week and I’ll see you back here next Sunday!
