Where are you between the struggle and the dream?

Welcome new readers of The Spark!

Whether we’ve just met or I’ve known you for a long time, the question I’m always curious to learn is: what are you “on fire” about and what are you struggling with?

Your answer almost always lies somewhere between the wanting and the having — the struggle and the achievement — of your dream.


Women on Fire members celebrating and supporting each other in New York City last week (Photos by Meredith Schoenberger)

Discovering your passion and being supported on your path to your dream is the very reason I created Women on Fire more than a decade ago.

(There is no other community in the world quite like this one, which I know makes it rather difficult to explain to others, right?! You almost have to experience being cheered on by Women on Fire in person to understand the full impact of support 😉

So, how do you go from uncertainty, or a hint of an idea, to living a life rich in living your dreams and making a difference in the world?

Inch by inch. Step by step. Bird by bird, as writer Anne Lamott told us so powerfully in her best-selling book.

Above, I’m pictured with Deirdre Martin of Plainfield, New Jersey. Dee is well on the way to making her dream come true. She’s in that sweet spot on the journey. She continues to work a regular job while growing her dream and building her company, Assisting Virtually.

She works on it. Every single day. Step by step.

And, here’s Heike Vogel of New York City, one of our co-authors in the latest Women on Fire book.  She made the courageous move from working for a large law firm to having it her way — starting her own law firm!  She, too, works at building her dream. Every day. Case by case.

Have Dee and Heike fully achieved their biggest dreams and desires? Probably not — yet. But they are well on their way.

When you are clear about what you want and make small achievements day-by-day, steady progress takes you from idea to reality.

Where are you on the scale from struggling mightily to achieving your ultimate goal?

Here are five strategies to help you get from where you are to where you want to go:

5 Strategies to go from wher eoyu are to where you want to be- Women on Fire

1) Clarity — First, you must be clear about what you want. If you don’t know or aren’t sure, ask people you love and trust to tell you what you are great at doing. What you do naturally is often the biggest hint at what your gifts are.

And, in discovering and embracing your gifts, you are most likely to find your passion.

A mentor of mine, author Barbara Sher reminds us: “you must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue your dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning.”

Clarity with a side order of focus also helps. I hear from a lot of women who tell me they want “to reach all the women in the world” with their project or idea. That is wonderful. Except when you start out so broadly, you can topple over before you get started.

How about reaching out to one woman with what you have to offer — and start the ball rolling that way? 🙂

2) Inspiration — “If you stay true to who you are, the world will embrace you,” the late Maya Angelou said. That quote alone can pick up my spirits when I doubt myself.

Keeping yourself in close reach of inspiration — whatever form inspiration means for  you — is a very important aspect of reaching your goals. You need daily inspiration to keep yourself lit up and energized.

3) Strategies — It’s not enough to simply will your dreams into existence. You need practical, step-by-step “know-how” and “how-tos” to get where you are going.

Think of strategies as your GPS for getting where you want to go. Of course, I believe the powerful, tried-and-true strategies you learn at Women on Fire are the best! Still, you can find useful strategies from many different resources:

  • Wisdom from someone who has accomplished what you dream of
  • Books
  • Magazines
  • Popular culture
  • Online forums
  • Coaches with expertise in your area of interest

4) Support — Support is a essential and the framework for you to move from struggle toward what you deeply desire.

The pictures you see sprinkled here are of Women on Fire members coming together to cheer each other on, to be in each other’s company to share the excitement of the journey. With support, you will feel your tank filled and your spirit enlivened.

5) Perserverance — If you have a great idea and are passionate about it, don’t give up! Perseverance is the secret of all triumphs.


With inspiring Woman on Fire Teri Goetz at the NYC gathering

Any and all of these strategies can help you to move from wanting your dream to actually making it happen!  Let me know what kind of inspiration, strategies and support you’ve found work best for you.

Have a great week ahead! It’s my birthday this week so I’m taking off a few days to celebrate and enjoy a little rest and relaxation. 🙂

Love,

Debbie Signature

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And the winner of the spa package is…

If you want to go fast, go alone.  If you want to go far, go together.

*This week’s Pinspiration*

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Inspiration from Women on Fire

That is my very favorite African proverb.  Mostly because it so beautifully sums up what happens when women join forces with each other.

Last week was filled with all kinds of collaborations here at Women on Fire that resulted in women achieving more together than alone.  Life is just too difficult to singularly take on the world.

So here’s what happened when a few of our members put their geniuses together!

But first …

We have a winner for the luxurious Waldorf Astoria Naples spa package, valued at more than $300, for an attendee to the Women on Fire retreat in Naples, Florida Feb. 28-March 1.

So before I say goodbye to you today, you’ll learn her name.  (And so will she!)

(And, if you’re ready to say goodbye to winter and hello to a weekend of sunshine and inspiration with your Women on Fire sisters, we still have a few more seats remaining! But please register today before our annual event is sold out.)

Now back to our fabulous women who came together last week to make something special happen:


Dana Frost and Linda Neff

Linda Neff of Shoreland, Wisconsin and Dana Frost of Wilmette, Illinois teamed up at a women’s event at Linda’s church, United Methodist Church of Whitefish Bay.  Linda was the keynote speaker for the event — Wrapped in Love — and invited Dana to lead a workshop.

The participants couldn’t say enough in their Facebook posts about how energized they felt being supported by these inspiring women!


Janina Serden Sebesky and Jan Nolte

Janina Serden Sebesky, creator with her best friend and co-writer Kitt Moran of the musical Chick Soup, has been holding readings in her living room in New York City to prepare for what we are sure will be performances on Broadway one of these days soon!


Janina with Sarah Elizabeth Greer (Photo by Josephine Donatelli)

These are the Women on Fire who came to help and support Janina in taking next steps toward her dream:

Producer and stand-up comic Janette Barber, Women on Fire book, Vol. 2 co-authors Sarah Elizabeth Greer and Heike Vogel, voice coach Jan Nolte, Jodi Graber, Kate Perlman, Mary Ann Donatelli-Reilly and Jackie Reilly. Even candid photos to document the teamwork were done by a Women on Fire member, photographer Josephine Donatelli.

Of the collaborative experience, talented Janina said:

“It was wonderfully affirming to get such positive feedback about the new direction for Chick Soup, which follows the friendship of two women throughout the decades.

“The readings inspired conversation and debate about what makes a friendship survive.  It was helpful to hear what moved them and also what was confusing or unclear in our script.”

As Janette always says, “Women on Fire is a bonanza. Everything you need to be successful is in this circle!”


Lisa Umberger Arundale and Michelle Whittaker glowing at their book-signing!

Michelle Whittaker of Washington, D.C., a co-author in the latest Women on Fire book with her story “Getting Back To Life,” hosted a book signing in our nation’s Capitol. And she was joined by co-author Lisa Umberger Arundale of Naples, Florida who wrote the chapter “Leaning Into Grief.”

Both women said they found it fun and very helpful to work together to sign books and share in the experience of meeting and greeting audience members.


Tricia Simpson, Women on Fire member LaRaine McCoy and Laurel Hodory

Braving frigid temperatures in Columbus, Ohio, three co-authors — Carrie Saba, Tricia Simpson and Laurel Hodory teamed up at Spagio’s Wine Bar for their first book-signing  — and it was super successful!

“It was so great to collaborate,” Carrie said, “as it helped so much with nerves. We had each other to lean on and we all brought ideas to the table which helped with creativity for how the event would flow … the evening flowed beautifully and we were all busy talking and signing.”

Congratulations to all on joining forces to travel farther together in making your dreams come true!

This week who can you collaborate with to take next steps on your big dream? 🙂

And, finally, thank you to everyone who participated in our contest to become a winner of the Waldorf Astoria Spa package! You all did a great job sharing word about the retreat.  Our winner is …

  • Robin Butler Leonard of Clayton, Missouri

Congratulations, Robin! So excited for you to enjoy the spa’s exquisite artisan massage and a bountiful basket of products and treats.

Have a wonderful week and sending you big hugs ~

Debbie Signature

She’s a Woman on Fire! Meet Linda Neff

Welcome back to our ongoing series to introduce you to each other.  She’s a Woman on Fire! member and we want you to know her.  Please say hello to…

Linda Neff- She's a Woman on Fire #womenonfire

Linda Neff

Shorewood, Wisconsin (a suburb of Milwaukee)

Member: #00046
Member since:  September 30, 2011

Please tell us about YOU, your family, your work, what you are “on fire” about, etc.

I have to say, I’ve just recently become comfortable with the “what are you on fire about, or not?” question—the question Debbie Phillips so wisely and lovingly asks each of us.

I remember the first time I heard this question when attending the Women on Fire Columbus retreat.  I wanted to shrivel up in a corner.  The movie in my mind immediately started, “You’re not on fire about anything. You’re dull. Everyone else in your circle is so much more dynamic. Any answer you come up with will definitely lack substance.”

And for quite some time, I thought there was a “right” way to answer this question. So, for anyone else who may also be trying to find the right way to answer this question, here is my personal “aha” discernment.  The answer lies within my heart—it’s those things that make my heart take an extra little pitter-pat; the people or ideas that I want to wrap my heart around with an extra squeeze.  We each have our own unique hearts—so what we’re on fire about is vastly different from woman to woman—which is what makes Women on Fire such an important community.

My heart, probably from the time I was a very little girl, has been wrapped around women’s issues.  I’m on fire today about issues and work that can strengthen and bolster women.

This spring, the reflection on a piece of artwork by my 15-year-old daughter Helen definitely sparked my heart. After seeing Steve Lambert’s “Invisible” art installation, she began sharing her thoughts on how profound the work was.  She said, “You know Mom, if the ‘N’ went dark, the art would read ‘I Visible.’”  With my heart’s desire to be a voice for women, Helen’s thoughts brought an immediate realization—in order to create change in the world for women, we need to step out of the shadows and into the light with our stories. We need to Be Visible.

I am greatly humbled and immensely grateful to my employer, Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin, for the opportunity to bring Be Visible into the light as a story telling project.  I hope you will take a moment to listen to these five incredibly brave women as they share their intensely personal and powerful stories.

Tweet: Be Visible.  Be You. That’s your true fire!

 

How did you originally connect to Women on Fire?

Okay, I love this question because my path to WOF is a little zany!

Prior to turning 50, I always looked forward to birthdays.  I loved that feeling of waking up knowing it was my birthday.  The day just always felt extra special.

Somehow in the months leading up to my 50th birthday, I became uncomfortable about turning an age that had always seemed so far away.  My husband Chuck and I had talked about a 50th party in our garden for many months.  We even planted the garden that year with the party in mind.  Imagine his surprise when I told him I didn’t want a party!

I was completely clueless about how to approach this birthday with some modicum of grace, so I turned to the internet to research “How to turn 50?”  I know—crazy, right? During my research, I discovered Michele Woodward’s blog and how she had celebrated her 50th via a virtual birthday party.  The party consisted of a number of fascinating women each calling her with their wisdom on turning 50.  One of the wise virtual birthday guests was Debbie Phillips.

As Debbie was sharing her wisdom on turning 50 (which I loved!) I Googled Debbie and found her Women on Fire website.   There, I learned about a retreat scheduled for September 30, 2011 in Columbus, Ohio which was only eight hours away by car.  Based on Debbie’s voice and her great message on turning 50, I decided to go for it.  My research was complete; I registered for the WOF retreat—this was going to be my birthday present!

As the retreat grew closer I started doubting myself.  After all of my initial research, I had registered for the retreat with a little too much haste.  In reality, I didn’t really know that much about this group. Who were these women and who was this Debbie Phillips gal?

Alone in the car for the drive to Columbus, I began imagining all kinds of Stepford Wife-esque scenarios for this Women on Fire group.  I actually pulled over several times and contemplated driving back home to Milwaukee.

Keeping the car on the road for a destination that was unclear has been the single best decision I’ve made in this new decade of being in my fifties.  I am forever grateful that in my zaniness of researching how to turn 50, I found Debbie Phillips and Women on Fire.  This diverse community of women inspires me every day and encourages me to be my own best Woman on Fire!

Best. Birthday Present. Ever.

What is something we might be surprised to learn about you?

I carry a cowbell in my work bag!

Prior to college my parents gave me a cowbell so I could properly cheer at the Purdue football games.  (I grew up in Ohio’s version of Friday Night Lights so football reigned supreme and my parents wanted me to be prepared for Big Ten football!)  Not having a booming voice, the cowbell became my expression of exuberance and support for my Purdue Boilermakers.  After college my trusty cowbell was shelved.

During the tumultuous political times in Wisconsin that ensued following the election of Governor Scott Walker in 2010, the cowbell quickly came off the shelf.  As I attended many of the now-historical rallies that took place in our state’s capital, I used the cowbell to amplify my voice and my values about all people having a fair shot for freedom, opportunity, responsibility and cooperation—especially as it related to women and families.

Rather than re-shelving my cowbell, I now keep it close at hand as it has become a symbol of hope for many of my co-workers and friends who share a similar value system.  From time to time, when the issues around women’s equality seem insurmountable, I let the cowbell work its magic.  It has the power to instantly re-energize spirits and replace what can feel like insurmountable obstacles with hope, ideas, and a course of action.

I highly recommend the cowbell as the perfect sidekick for any WOF chic lady fighter—a term Ruth Conniff, publisher of The Progressive magazine, used to describe the Planned Parenthood women who are addressing women’s rights with powerful femininity, style and smarts!

More about Linda Neff…

Despite being born in Bad Homburg, Germany, Linda describes herself as a true-blue Midwesterner.  She grew up in Dayton, Ohio, launched her career in Chicago and now lives in Shorewood, Wisconsin with her fantastically creative husband Chuck and equally creative daughter Helen.

With the exception of one previously overweight goldfish named Waggly Tail Fins, Linda had adamantly pronounced her home as a non-pet household—no matter what.  She is now looking forward to the arrival of their first four-legged pet, Chandler, an Australian Labradoodle who was born on 10/25/13 and will become the fourth family member of this former threesome.

While she is an active blogger in her head, she occasionally posts at Voices of Pearls. You are welcome to say hello to her at lrneff@gmail.com.

She’s A Woman on Fire! feature is compiled by senior writer Becky Adams.

December Book Of The Month

This is a very special — and personal — edition of Books To Live By. 

If you’ve joined us only recently you may not know that we’ve been working on publishing our second book this year. And, if you’ve been with us for a long time, you know how excited we’ve been to share this project with you!

So, it is with great joy — and just in time for the holidays — to tell you that Women on Fire: 21 Inspiring Women Share Their Life Stories (and Save You Years of Struggle!), Volume 2 is in our hands — and soon can be in yours!

I am proud to announce that our December selection is…

Women on Fire: 21 Inspiring Women Share Their Life Stories (and Save You Years of Struggle!),  Volume 2

With our official publication date set for January 7, 2014, YOU are one of the first to have access to the much anticipated sequel in the Women on Fire book series.

This collection of 21 stories is from women — just like you — women who have struggled in life, found the courage and knowledge to work it through, and then were brave enough to tell how they survived!

These stories will make you laugh, bring you to tears, and fill your heart with inspiration and love. Most of all, they will empower you.

Tweet: “You have the power to set your world on fire, all you need is a spark”

 

 

Press play below to watch the book trailer!

The gift of this book is that it is designed for your busy life — you can read each short story and savor it. Or, as a number of women have already told us, you can stay up all night, read all 21, and never put the book down!

Here’s what the first readers are saying…

“So moved by the stories of 21 wonderful women who found the strength to triumph over adversity and the courage to follow their hearts and dreams.” ~ Sheryl Snyder, Boston

“Thank you to all of the remarkable women that contributed to this book. One suggestion before starting to read. Set aside some time because you won’t want to put it down. Every story is amazing and inspiring and I will be giving some to women in my life as gifts.” ~ Sue Guger Adams, Bay City, Michigan

“Just received the book! The first 2 stories were simply astounding! Wish I could take the whole day and just read it all!! Thank you, brave ladies, for writing your stories!! Amazing how are own lives will benefit from these wonderful women!” ~ Jody Froelich, Granger, Indiana

The book is available on Amazon and at womenonfire.com.

My wish though is that if you know any (or many) of the co-authors listed below, you consider purchasing your copies from her.

  • Jan Allen
  • Lisa Umberger Arundale
  • Beth Bryce
  • Kim Davis
  • Nicole Friedler Brisson
  • Leah Hamilton
  • Laurel Hodory
  • Susan Kruger
  • Jenifer Madson
  • Linda Neff
  • Mary Kay Purdy
  • Kay Raypholtz
  • Carrie Saba
  • Tricia Simpson
  • Marge Snyder
  • Maria Verroye
  • Heike Vogel
  • Mary Carran Webster
  • Michelle Whittaker

Please enjoy every story, every word, every woman in this beautiful book, and I look forward to hearing what inspired you after reading it.

The Women on Fire book is the final recommendation in our Books To Live By series for 2013.

Thank you all so much for your enthusiasm for books and reading and for all of your suggestions to me about what I might read. Your ideas led to some amazing recommendations this year!

We’ll be back in 2014 with more favorite books to live your life by. Until then, enjoy what our Women on Fire co-authors have created for you!

Wishing you the warmest of holidays (curled up with a book!) ~

 Debbie Signature

P.S. You are invited to a special book signing with many of the co-authors of Women on Fire, Volume 2 at the 2014 Women on Fire Retreat — Ignite Your Life and Soar! in Naples, Florida on February 28-March 1, 2014.

Treat yourself to an inspiring weekend with your Women on Fire sisters. You SO deserve it. Spots are limited– register here today!

What’s your story?

Happy Easter. Happy Passover. Happy Birthday!


Twice the celebration today for Lori!

Today is my younger sister Lori’s birthday.  And because it fell on Easter, she ended up with birthday cupcakes, presents AND a giant, chocolate Peter The Rabbit.

We had a wonderful weekend of “sister adventures” including going to the spa where Lori relaxed in her first Watsu with amazingly skilled Woman on Fire Tamara Caggiano.


Lounging at the Golden Door Spa in Naples, Florida

Many of you met Lori in our first Women on Fire book.

She wrote a chapter about how after 18 years of dating she met, fell in love, and married the man of her dreams — and how she coped with becoming a widow.

She was still in her 40s and a newlywed when Tom was diagnosed with Stage 4 head and neck cancer.  He died a month after their second wedding anniversary.

“Writing my story was beneficial to organize my feelings. It was the beginning of understanding the process of grieving and how to grieve,” she reflected this weekend, five years after writing her chapter.

“I worried if I wrote the truth — how I was struggling; how empty I felt; and about the anger and hurt — people would view me as weak and vulnerable. But it turned out to be quite the opposite.”

Lori’s courage to tell her story as she was going through it reminded me of the power we unleash as Women on Fire when we share our true selves — and the enormous potential benefit for others.

I was recently touched reading this thought-provoking sentence: “can you imagine if you had two paragraphs of truth written from a great-grandparent about their life?”

We feel energized and alive when we hear the truth; we feel cheated when we don’t.

“To share my story with others actually made me stronger and connect with more people,” Lori said.

“Many people thanked me for sharing it and a few said it made them look at their own relationships (with husbands, partners, boyfriends) differently. It made me feel good to know telling my story made a difference.

“If it helped one person, it was worth telling it versus being safe and keeping it inside,” she said.

Looking back now, six years after Tom’s death, Lori realizes what a long process to heal.

“Telling the story is what got the ball rolling — the beginning of the healing process — and now these many years later, I feel I am finally at the end of the process.

“I can now see my story, beginning to end.  And, the end is where I truly have started to live and feel again.”

Earlier this month, Lori took a final step in her life with Tom when she spread his ashes in Peru at Macchu Picchu, a destination that they had planned for their 5th wedding anniversary.


Lori at Macchu Picchu 

“I look forward to being in a relationship again. I can honestly say ‘I’m ready!'”

How is it for you?  Have you considered writing a chapter or a full memoir of your life?  How might it benefit your family and friends — or even a complete stranger?

Do you tell the truth about your life to those you love and care about so they can learn from your mistakes and successes?

The reluctance to share that I hear most often — and an excuse I’ve used myself:

I can’t tell my story. If I told it, it would hurt _____________ .

To that, one of my all-time favorite writers Anne Lamott says, “you own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”

This summer you will be able to read a whole new set of Women on Fire stories. Our 21 co-authors of the next Women on Fire book are hard at work crafting their own life stories to share with you.

I have read a few of the completed ones, and I must tell you I have laughed, cried, learned and been uplifted by each one!

I know you will be, too.


Recent gathering in Columbus with a few of the co-authors of Women on Fire Book 2. You’ll be able to read their empowering, courageous stories this summer!

I hope you will continue to share your true self with other women, in particular. It is the single, greatest resource we have to give each other.

Thank you for being in our powerful circle of fabulous women!

Wishing you the safety and courage to tell your own powerful story ~

*This week’s Spark PINspiration*  

Pin to Pass on the Love!

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